LOOOOVES!!! well hello there!! I finally had some free time to write to you on this lovely Sunday night. It's a special night, a night of rememberance actually....it's Sept 11th. I'll tell you what...ask me what i did last Thursday? Ummmmmm, if i think really hard then i might scramble pieces of the day or peices of that week and hope i'm getting the events in the right order, or even the right people that were involved in my life that day, hmmmm...anyway, now that i just took a 5 min break from typing because i actually just tried thinking of what i did do and who i saw last Thursday and STILL dont know , geez LOL!?!?!! my whole point is,i can't remember 7 days ago,but if u ask me what i did September 11th 2001 i can tell u hour to hour probably even minute to minute of that devastating day in America. So, tonight i decided to blog because its a day of reflection.
The last time i wrote i believe i mentioned a boy i met while on a Sunday lunch date with my girlfriend..well,to make a long story short, i realized i was just in heat that day. In this case im not reffering to me sitting in the boiling sun on a humid summer day in Chicago...i mean i was in heat like a dog that hasnt been nutered!!! ya'll get what im sayin?? LOL. i was basically interested in him for the wrong reasons...hey, dont judge, we've all been there at least once in our life (maybe i've been there more then once, but enough about me,back to my story, lol!) Poor guy still texts after 2 months, can u believe that?! I returned his texts simply because i felt guilty not... but when i think about it, what the hell do i feel guilty for anyway?!??? NOTHING that's what. I don't let guilt control my life anymore. I used to, and it only delayed my future. Guilt is a mother F$#%@R i tell ya! i truly believe that people make wrong decisions because of a guilty conscience. For example... some guys will have a girl that they aren't 100% happy with so they decide to find happiness elsewhere but never let go of what they have at home. Why? well that lil bit of guilt sets in when they think about how much their girl has put up with thru the years and years and will put up with because she "loves him" (please if she ONLY knew..she'd probably quickly "unlove him" if she was smart...but hey what do i know!) So, that guilt of his dishonesty to her takes over when he has to look at while she says to him "baby, i just love u and i'm just so happy to be together, and i cant wait to marry you and have babies, and a house, and grow old together, and....blahm blah blah. You get what im sayin?? He now feels so guilty that he can't break up with her!!(even though he cheats on her because he's unhappy in some aspect of their relationship) i mean how can he break her heart like that when she's got hearts in her eyes for him along with a checklist obviously, lol. This poor guy will now let the years add on with his darling, and get comfortable living a shady life, as long as he doesn't have to face the guilt and be the bad guy that breaks her heart and makes her cry. F that!!!! please, that'll be the day where i let guilt control my life! Let me tell ya this much...if im guilty of something im gonna own up to it. I'll ask the person to prove it with evidence of course (i mean hell, i don't wanna go down without a fight, lol) But i will not live a life of guilt from my actions that most likely made me happy as hell when i acted on em..just sayin, lol. Look, we all made poor choices in life,i get that. The thing i don't get is why some people stay in a situation that isn't fair to both parties in the long run. The guilt of your actions shouldn't be the deciding factor of staying in a stale relationship. Be fair to yourself, the person you're with and even the kids that are at times involved.
I'll share this with ya. If my momma would have let the guilt of deciding to divorce my dad in Poland, break up a family, and move her daughters and herself to America where she was going to have to start all over with the unknown...i wouldnt be sitting here writing to you now. I'm sure she felt guilty thinking we'd never know our father the way most kids do. But instead of living on that guilt, she moved forward taking life day by day..doing what made her happy, which then led us to happy lives. If you don't make yourself happy, you can't make those around you happy.
I've done some things im not proud of, but i won't sit here and dwell on them or feel guilty. I learn and move on...and sometimes i dont move on when i should because my stubborn ass won't wanna learn my lesson yet ( at that point i deserve what's comin to me!lol) Everything is easier said then done, i know i know. All im gonna say is that it's not impossible. Do what makes you happy, truly happy and i'll be happy for you. Im signing out my loves, good night and good luck with this thing we call life. Y'all know my answer to everything is LOVE! Stay beautiful and smiling!!!
xoxox ME
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