IX-XXVIII

Goodmorning peeps! what's good everyone? well, for starters im gonna go ahead and answer for ya this early and say John Mayer, LOL!! i bet you didn't expect that one huh? Yea, me either, but today i have this fine gentlemen playin while i write. Can i just tell you, that if you ever have a heartache, and wanna cry for 4min and 35sec just listen to number 9 on his latest cd...GEEEEEZZZZZ!!!! ( head leaning back, water shooting out of my eyeballs, letting out my biggest harest cry bcuz i can and it will make me feel better!!!) ok...now that the song is over, im ok..i got it all under control again.... hang on, let me switch cd's here before i continue, lol.

Ah, this should be better...Alicia Keys (awesome, first track is called "Love is Blind"...really!? i can't win this mornin, lol)

So, yesterday i got another new tattoo. Before you start thinking anything...YES I'm addicted. What can i say, i LOVE em, and that's just it. They complete me, i can't explain it, and maybe some things are better left unexplained. What is it you ask? well if you take a look at the title of this blog you have the answer. Roman numerals for the date of September 28th. A date that is so significant to me it would only be fitting to brand it on me forever.

First of all, its the day my soul mate was born. Do you believe in soul mates? Do you believe in love at first sight? do you believe in chemistry? Do you believe that things happen for a reason? And most importantly, do you believe in LOVE? Well i believe in all of the above :) i used to think about who my soul mate would be, if i would ever even get a chance to feel a connection and love for someone so deep down in my soul that words won't be able to explain it....well i did, i found her...she's my sister. (goosbumps, lol) Yep, my sister-soul mate who has been right in front of me my entire life and i never saw it. I searched and searched bcuz i thought that my soul mate had to be my "future husband". But ya know what, who said that has to be the case? I believe anyone can be a soul mate and mine just so happens to be Ania. Your wondering how do i know she's MY soul mate? well, have you ever had some one that you can tell everything to? Someone that you can call your best-friend? One that has never been jealous of you...EVER?? One that only wants to see you the happiest? One that loves you so much you can feel it in your soul? One that admires even the qualities you think suck about you? One that you look up to and inspires you? One that actually senses when you think about them? One that you are not jealous of? One that you can laugh with and also cry with? One who's death you fear, bcuz if they die, a piece of yo dies with them? Well, there you have it, my answer to all of those questions is yes, and the only person i have in mind is my beautiful amazing big sis <3> i gots to go!!

Before i go, i should tell you the other significance to that month and exact date...its the day i got into a car accident that changed the rest of my life forever. God had given me a second chance at life that day, and i will never forget that for as long as i live.. Let's just say i should have died that night, but instead i actually finally started living. My life has never been the same since that night. Its been better then i could have imagined..this is a whole other blog, but i seriously have to shower!! and of course today has to be hair washing day!!!! UGH! lol

Love you all!!! im off to kashiland. xoxoxoxoxo

MILOSC

Guess who's back? Back again? uh, you might wanna reply "Slim Shady" right about now, LOL. It's me ya'll! Your favorite Chi-City gal :) As usual it's been some time since i last wrote. I believe it was still summertime. Yup, the sun was shinin, the birds were chirpin, i was still married and livin at my house....So, now its fall..the sun hides out a lot, the birds migrated, i am officially divorced and moved into an amazing apartment. woooo hoooo! its been a long road but i finally made it to the end....or should i say its just my beginning ;)
I can't even begin to tell you all the feeling that i have in me these days. Its actually amazing to feel comfortable in your own skin and in your surroundings. I knew i would feel good once the divorce was settled and once i was out of that house. But, honestly, i never thought it was gonna be this great. Believe it or not, i actually wanna come home again. People feel comfortable in my apartment and i love that. I LOVE EVERYTHING!! ok, ok, so you've heard me say that before...this LOVE thing i constantly speak of. Well, what can i say...Love is the answer to every problem. Love is my key to happiness. Love has made me become a better person. I gotta tell ya guys that something so beautiful and complicated at once has really overcome my soul, mind, an heart. I am addicted to this feeling that comes so naturally to me..i speak of LOVE of course. I should inform you that since i last wrote i got a new tattoo as well...and if you pay attention to my writing, then its easy to guess what i got branded on my body forever...yep, you got it.. and i hope it only took ya'll one guess...the answer is ( drum roll please, lol) MILOSC!!!! (which is the word LOVE in polish). Its beautiful, sexy, and sweet, an fits perfectly on my forearm. So, to tell you the truth I'm surprised i ain't not dead, cuz my mama wanted to KILL ME! hahaah. Eh, she got over it, obviously. But she did have one question for me. She says "i just don't understand why you lost your mind at almost 30 and not 18?" i cant blame her for thinkin this...but my answer to her was " at 18 i would have gotten a stupid butterfly that meant nothing to me, but now that I'm older i finally feel comfortable with my body, my mind,and my heart..so my tattoos mean more to me then anyone will understand" She still looked at me like i had a third eye, so at that point i just left it alone and didn't try to explain something she just might never understand anyway. That's my mama for ya :)
im sittin here blogging and listening to R Kelly ( his newest, and one of my fav cd's at the moment by the way) and i will tell you this. There are only 2months left of this year. A year that has changed me for the rest of my life. A year that i will never forget. what i have accomplished in one year, would have normally taken me 3. i am at total peace in my apartment, with the candles lit, and my music playin. i Love life and all that it has to offer. I thank God for my health and for the health of my loved ones. I thank all those that have been there when i needed them most. I thank my mama, and my sister (the first 2 loves of my life). I cant wait to see what this new year will bring me...Hopefully a new hubby, lol....what??? a girl can always dream, lol.
Goodnight my darlings...i will write soon, xoxoxo im off to Kashiland

the incredilbe HULK -ette

Heyyyyyy!!!! How is everyone? You don't have to answer "good" if you aren't really feeling good. Im sure when someone asks you "how are you?" the reply is always "good....and you?" I find myself being very honest these days. You all know this year has been about ME! and i love every minute of it, lol. Selfish? do you think it's selfish to love yourself above anyone? Do you think other will think you are being cocky, or stuck up? Well it's NOT wrong to be a little selfish. Most women (especially moms) don't know how to be selfish. They exhaust themselves by putting every ones needs before theirs leaving no room for themselves at the end of the day. This eventually leads to problems in a marriage, arguments with friends or children, problems at the workplace...and so on. More women need to realize if they are not truly happy and "good" with themselves then they will not be able to make others happy around them. They will live exhausted, sad, frustrated lives. Focus on yourself and only yourself in order to fill the life around you with joy ;)
so how am i today? well, i thought u'd never ask, lol...I am NOT fine, I'm crabby,i would probably fight someone and all they would have to do is look at me the wrong way, and kinda feel like i can snap the drop of a pin, cry and the snap of a finger, and laugh it all off 5 minutes later...sounds crazy, i know. I have actually thought about it over and over before i just typed that to see if it even makes sense! I mean seriously you guys, what is my problem?? OH i know, I'm going to go ahead and blame it all on my hormones!! ugh, we as women have to go through torture and become someone else right around that "time of the month". Geez,it really baffles me how i can become someone else and almost have no control of it at the moment..am i right? please tell me this happens to some of you as well!?!? I mean, i should really just be locked up for the next 3 days , so i don't make irrational decisions, run someone over with my car, eat everything in sight, and cry for no reason. It's not fair that we have to battle these feelings once a month for the next, oh, i dunno, 75 years!? ok so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But you know as well as i do that you feel like you will be having a period for the rest of your life. So does this mean that once a month i will turn into the Incredible HULK-ette? haha! (i have to make myself sound as cute as i can be while turning into a green monster). The thing is you guys..i am VERY aware of my actions, and so i have a new plan...I am going to change things around. My experiment is to fight back with my hormones. Yep, im going to beat my hormones at their own game. its mind over matter in the end of things. Because there is no way i will let myself turn into a Green Giant, all because i cant get a grip on myself. i am tough, smart, happy and love life. so there is no reason that my hormones should get the best of me and mess with my mind like that. i mean, it seriously is unlike me to want to harm someone and overreact, and get all emotional for no reason. so who's with me ladies? Don't let your mind or emotions control you. Sit back and take a breather, realize what you are saying and doing at all times. Don't act a fool and don't become the HULK-ette,because it can get you in trouble :) so let me try this again...How am i doing yo ask? well now that i know i am not crazy,and have complete control of my thoughts and actions, im gonna be ok i think..as long as these next 2 days pass quickly, ha!

good night ya'll....im off to bed before i start contemplating bad thoughts about people that pissed me off today...yikes, did i just say that!? haha, Go to bed Kas ;) tomorrow i will wake up refreshed and ready for another adventure in Kashiland

Somethins' gotta give....

I'm baaaacccckkkk!! hahaha.. What's good everybody?!?! How are ya'll doin these days? It's been a fantastic summer and it's a bummer that in a month we will be welcoming fall. Can you believe how the time passes us by? I mean i watch people in my chair get older (not to mention greyer, lol..thank God or i'd be out of a job) and my niece and nephew grow into amazing little beings; but to be honest i don't feel like i age. I am going to be 29 years old in 4 months and i don't feel a day over 25. If anything this year should have really aged me but it made me feel younger then ever. It has been the BEST and HARDEST year at the exact same time. I couldn't be happier with the outcome of that. I have accomplished more this year so far then i ever have, i have learned more about myself and LOVE who i am, I am proud to say that i can do anything if i put my mind to it.

So since i last blogged i guess i need to fill ya in on my busy little life. Well, i came back from Minnesota in June from a real live Princess Party limping because i strained my hip flexor muscle the week before running and my fastest speed yet! I out ran my girlfriend and workout partner in crime Amanda on out 1 mile treadmill run by more then min easily. Therefore resulting in a hip injury for the next two months that got so bad i actually cried getting out of bed in the mornings. Did that stop me from my daily routine you ask? HA! hell no! i was at work for my usual 10-12 hour days and at the gym doing everything but running (barely even walking at times, yikes!) My 2month slow recovery of stretches and painful massages finally got me to to my first attempt at running 2 days ago. I can't begin to tell you the mental torture i was going through because of my injury resulting in me not being able to run and clear my head. So as if that wasn't enough i manages to get a 2nd degree freezer burn on my left shin which got infected because i was too stubborn and busy to go see a doctor. Yep, you heard that correctly, i froze my leg with an ice pack. I mean really, who the hell manages to do somethin like that?!? Yours truly ;) so after being on 12 days of antibiotics and dealing with a scar the size of Texas (there goes my modeling career, LOL) i sprained my ankle from falling in my wedge shoes and am now dealing with that. I really don't understand how i got so prone to injuries all of a sudden, but they ARE all self inflicted so i can't blame anyone but me. Geez!! i exhaust myself sometimes!!

I have to tell you that i had the BEST 4th of July EVER! My sister, the kids and Ryan a.k.a "swam" spent 3 nights at my house and we had a blast. It was the first time my house felt like a home ;) I have told ya before and i will forever say it again. My sister is the best sister i could have been blessed with. I loved waking up to my niece and nephew in my bed. We laughed and sang til the sun came up that weekend. I love them so much it kills me!!! i can go on and on about my family, but i will save that for another blog :)

So besides my injuries and fab 4th.. i did take a random last minute trip to fabulous Las Vegas! woo hoo. My girlfriend Dilek and i stayed at The Hard Rock Hotel where people walk around thinking they are the next Tommy Lee or Pam Anderson, which i really can't say i didn't pretend to be someone important as well, lol. Hey it's Vegas so anything goes...including my phone!! yep, i don't even wanna talk about it..my phone got stolen by a "heshe" at the Belaggio. It was the worst feeling in the world to have lost all my contacts and be without a phone for a week. I felt like tellin him/her.."please just give me my sim card and take the damn phone! " UGH! still makes me mad just thinkin about it. Coming back from Vegas i was more exhausted then ever, dealing with both injuries the entire time and still managing to show my pole dancing tricks off really takes a toll on a gal.

I should also tell ya i managed to sell my house since i last wrote. Yep, i will finally be moving into an apartment in the fall. Which reminds me..i better look for a place to live! ahhhhh!! I couldn't be more excited to get a small cozy little place just for me. Am i sad to be leaving my neighborhood, but excited to start yet another journey!

oh Lord, look at the time..i need to get ready to stare into my closet and se that i have nothing to wear to work, lol. Im really not exaggerating like i usually do..i need a new wardrobe, probably as much as i need a hole in my head, HA! bye bye for now!!!! muah! hugs and kisses always!!

Meatballs

Well well, good evening ya'll.. i know ,i know it's been a while since i have written. What can i say, i have been a busy little bee! One wouldn't think that a single girl could be so busy right? well, let me tell ya that my life now is more hectic then ever! If you wanna know where to find me it's easy..the salon and the gym is where i spend my whole day. But you know i have to find time for play as well, lol. So my Saturday nights are booked weeks ahead. For some reason when you are single people just invite you to more events. It's like they feel bad for you, or think that because you are single you will have time for everything. So therefore, plans get made and before i know it i have my next three weekends booked with people to see and things to do!!
I recently took a trip up to good ol' Minnesota to see the fam of course. the trip was as amazing as ever. There was a big group of us this time. My girlfriend Gabby, my 3 cousins, and my parents all went to celebrate my baby girls 4th bday! My niece Nadia and nephew Paul are some of the most amazing kiddies i have ever met..(and im not just saying that because they are mine, lol) I thought i would get a chance to catch up on some sleep i don't get back home, but really, who the hell am i kidding? haha, I mean how can there be sleep when i have the best family and friends a girl can ask for. From going to uptown Minnie, to sittin around the campfire with my brother-in-law playin his guitar, to me and my beautiful amazing sister catching up on some MUCH NEEDED girl talk....who has time for sleep?!?!
So besides my travels..let me fill you in on my social life back home. Being single, it's time to start getting out there and meeting men..ugh (totally dreading this whole thing) I go out with my girlfriends not to meet men but to just have fun. At the same time though i do keep my options open..seeing how the ones you usually want are unavailable i have to keep an eye out, lol. So whats out there you ask? ha! well..i have one word "meatballs". You all know what a meatball is right? If not then let me fill you in a bit. The description would be a dude that is built ( sometimes they can look like the Michelin man, where they cant even put there arms down because the lat muscle is too big and puffy) I don't think it's attractive at all, but believe it or not this is who gets attracted to me. Is it because i look like i work out?Eh, perhaps that could be the reason, but let me tell ya, they are douchbags!! I mean if they think that their bicep muscle which is bigger then my head impresses me more then their conversation, boy do they need to get their head out of their asses, lol! It's like the more steroids they pump the more brain cells they loose. UGH! HELP!

gotta love my girl talk

so today was a fantastic day!! it all started with my first cup of coffee over at my neighbor Joanne's. I saw Jo gardening at 7am, an decided she could use a break, lol. You gotta love my neighborhood because i swear i don't know where else i can chill in my pj's with my hair in a rats nest and one of my already squinty eyes half way open... other then this hood, lol. Jo and i must have sat there for almost 2 hours just chatting away about "relationships". A topic a woman can talk about for hours at a time. A topic that we might never really have complete answers to. The only thing we know for sure about relationships is that they are HARD work! As i sat there on Jo's patio sippin my coffee chatting away with the sun beating on my skin so early in the morning already,i knew it was going to be a good day. After my awesome chat i had to get back home and wait for my cable guy to come....yes, again (damn tv). i got to clean, shower, and do laundry all before "Phil" the cable guy finally showed up! geez they really take advantage of that lat minute. when they say they will come between the hours of 9 and noon..they don't lie, cuz 11:50 is between 9 and noon i guess. Well, Phil fixed what needed fixin and was out before 1, just in time because i needed to get on the road!! I didn't mention that today i was headed to Antioch, IL to see my cousin Liz!! The sun was going to be out and it was a perfect opportunity to go to the lake house. Liz and i talk daily, but we haven't had a chance to really sit down with no interruptions and just talk. So there we were, in our bikini's out on the boat dock looking out into the beautiful water with the sun beating on us, talking away about what u ask??? yep RELATIONSHIPS! hahah. the never ending topic i swear! i loved being out there by the water. It's relaxing and i find peace and comfort with not a worry on my mind ( and belive me i have many worries these days, lol). i think everyone should have a place to go to escape reality for a bit. It might not have to be all the way on a dock on the middle of water, it can easily be in your own backyard. Grab your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or whomever you have to share some good laughs with, and go somewhere for some theraputic chitchat. i tell ya what, i talked enough today for the next two days, haha. goodnight ya'll!! xoxo

it will all be ok, it has to be

everything will be ok, it has to be. At least this is what i tell myself daily. Love stinks! ok, i take that back, lol. Love hurts is more like it. So my 19 year old cousin recently ended an engagement with her boyfriend of 4 years i believe. It's hard, very hard for her right now, but in the end she will be great and happy again. I have had my heart broken many times now, so i can relate to her. However, there is nothing anyone can do to make it better. Sharing my love experiences with her and being there for her is all i can do for that broken heart at the moment. Why is it that love is the best and sometimes the worst thing? its great to be in love isn't it? i mean NOTHING else matters when you are in love with someone. There could be a house on fire and you wouldn't see it because you are blinded by love. It is the greatest most unexplainable feeling left on earth. The high you get from it is worth millions. I can live in a cardboard box under a bridge as long as the man i love is there with me. Am i right or am i right? lol. Now, on the other hand, when love doesn't go your way it hurts BADDDDD. I remember my first heartbreak, i thought my life was over. My world felt empty and came crashing down. This is what my baby cousin is feelin right now. And you know what heals a broken heart?? TIME, my friends, time.... I have been in love a lot in my almost 29 years of life on this earth. Each time a new love came along i thought OMG! Not this again, do i even dare going down this path again?? But each time i did..why? because of that awesome feeling, that "cloud 9" feeling. Each time i fell love it was different though. Each time it just keeps getting better. Like wine that gets better with age..so does LOVE. Im older and wiser now and have a true understanding for Love. Tania (my cuz) will see that her best love is yet to come. She is still in love with her ex, and will be for quite some time. But, i wish i could put her in a time machine to show her that she will be in love again..with someone better!

i can touch base on this subject for hours.. but for now i have to get ready for another awesome day at the salon (the other love of my life; my job) I realize i just need to stay married to my job. I love it, and it loves me back..very reliable i would say, lol.

Tania, if you are reading this i just have one thing to say to you. You are beautiful, awesome, outgoing, fun, smart, hardworking, and very lovable. You don't even know what this life still holds for you. Your world is about to change for the better. If you think life has been good so far, you have no idea how much greater it can be. Remember my darling cousin, that at the end of the day all you have to take care of is YOURSELF. YOU, that's it. God only gave us one of you and we want you to be the best you can be. You know what you need to do for yourself and your journey has already begun. I'm so proud of you for being so strong. Hang in there, and don't give up on love. I never did.Even with all i have been through so far. Keep on smiling. Keep on laughing. Keep on LOVING, because just like me, it comes naturally to you. It's ok to love even when you get hurt. As long as you learn from it.

i love everything right now!

it's 6am and here i am blogging and eating my bowl of Greek yogurt with flax seed, blackberries, and a sprinkle of granola. yummmm, it's funny but i actually look forward to my little breakfast, lol. i can't even begin to tell you how much i LOVE living alone!! i mean i really never thought i would be this cool with it. I can walk around my house in my underwear or in nothing at all, haha.... It's such a free feeling that i have a smile on my face at all times, even though no one is here to see it. i always liked "alone" time growing up.I like quiet time to myself, and i think it's important to everyone to have such time. We all need at least 15 min a day of pure silence. it's meditation at it's best. That 15 min will seem like an eternity, i swear! go ahead, try it. it's actually very hard to do (meditate that is) Turn off all sounds around you, light a candle, close your eyes, and just BE... don't think, don't dream, don't fantasize. JUST BREATH. it's not easy to not think about something, our mind is constantly wondering. So true meditation is a actually very hard to accomplish, but when you do get there, you will see that you will be on peace with yourself, and nothing can stand in your way.
I am finally at peace with myself(but i haven't gotten the meditation thing 100% just yet, lol) Ii am the most comfortable in my skin now at the age of 28, then i have ever been before. I love who i am and what i have in life. I love my family and friends. I love my career. I just love everything right now!

Finally Alone...

Good morning friends and family! the weekend is here once again, and what a beautiful Saturday morning it is. The birds are chirping outside my window right now and the sun is about to rise any minute. I'm sitting here in my bathrobe sipping on a hot cup of white tea (Asian plum flavor, yummmm). i have to say that life is good right now. i am healthy, i have a great career, beautiful family, wonderful friends, and a lovely home. A home that i live in all alone now.
i guess i should fill you all in on my latest news....my soon to be ex-husband moved out a week ago. He had gotten work out in Arizona, so he upped and decided to leave. Yep, a bit strange if you ask me. I mean we didn't even say goodbye to each other. He is a bit "pissed" at me these days so i didn't expect that we would give great big hugs and kisses, but at least a "see ya later"?!?! i mean really, 11 years of being together and that's it. i come home from work last Thursday to an empty house, and realized i might never see him again, and he didn't even say goodbye. i guess you can say we never got closure so therefore to be perfectly honest it feel like he died. i know, i know, it sounds bad to say, and believe me i DO NOT wish that upon him but i really does. Because he left some clothing behind and the plates he ate off of are still there it feels like he will be back, you know. Not that i want him to but I'm just saying that it feels weird..everything is so weird right now. i guess i just don't understand how you can be with someone for 11 years and then move to another state without even sayin goodbye. i get that he is mad, sad, maybe even scared but to not get closure can't be good for him. Maybe one day we will be able to say hey to each other and wish each other luck. i don't hate him and i am not mad...i actually feel bad for feeling SO HAPPY now. i am happy and comfortable in my own skin, and until he gets to that point i don't think he will ever say goodbye. Hopefully he will find happiness like me and love his life. Who knows maybe he is getting there after a week ( eh, i take that back, if i know him at all, then it's gonna be a while til that happens). i must say it took some big kahunas to move to another state like that. i know it couldn't have been easy to do, so i commend him for taking that risk. this just might be the best thing that can happen to him and he doesn't even know it yet. who knows, maybe instead of just saying goodbye he might actually thank me for divorcing him and making him change his life like this ( ok, ok, i guess that is a little bit if wishful thinking, but i CAN happen , lol).
Now that i got that off my chest, i will tell you this...it's great to come home now to a non-tense, quiet house. I'm going to get used to this very quickly, i think i already have! i have my music blasted right now, and i don't hear anyone in the background mocking my music selection, it's great!
yikes, look at the time, i have to get ready for work. i need to wash my hair today and stare into my closet for 20 min because i have NOTHING to wear so i better get going....no really,i have NOTHING to wear. i hope my clients today like bathrobes because that's what i honestly feel like wearing to the salon today, lol.
Have a wonderful Saturday and remember to say goodbye to people....you just never know if you will see them again.

Guilty!

Yes....i sure am guilty. Guilty for being happy!!! It's been a while since my last blog because i haven't had access to a computer at home. Being that my "roommate" decided to sell mine without even offering me the option to buy :( sooooo not happy. BUT, where there is a will there is a way! So here i am back at it. Now back to what i was saying...oh yes, my happiness, Haha! i can't help but smile all day long even though I'm going through a super tough time right now. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of stress i carry daily (but don't we all????) When i think about what i am dealing with right now and compare it to, hmmm.....lets say a cancer patient or an abused woman or an unloved abandoned child. I say to myself.."listen here chick, you ain't got it that bad, so stop your cryin!" lol. i mean seriously, if i let the stress in my life get the best of me while others are really suffering out there, then shame on me damn it! Let me share to you an inspirational story about a client of mine named Susan. She is a beautiful woman who lives with a disability, has beat cancer, raised a strong son and daughter, is happily married and loves everything! i wish you could all meet her because she is just a ray of sunshine (with fabulous hair might i add, lol). Every 7 weeks when i get to see Susan i remind her how much she inspires me to love life and give gratitude for what you have daily. Susan zooms around in a motorized wheelchair and yet still drives a car, not relying on anyone for help. Knowing that everyone would help her she still tries to accomplish it all on her own. Her health has been a battle in her life yet it has never stopped her from smiling. She is one of the most positive people i have ever come across. i love the energy she exudes and i inspire to give out that same energy. My positive thinking has gotten me through my stressful time right now. And on days that are more overwhelming then others i just think of Susan, and all that she has been through and it quickly makes my life seem like a piece of cake :)

So yes, I'm happy even though some people think i should be mopey and sad. Because guess what, i love myself too much to let my life pass me by without joy. The way i see it is that we all have problems and stress and i know that it can be hard to get up some days and put a smile on your face. But do it for the simple reason that you have been given yet another day on this earth, smile because you are alive and healthy, the rest will fall into place. I tell myself every morning out loud that today is gonna be a great day (and for the majority, it turns out to be that way for me) Happiness is the key!

ok, i have to get off this computer....til i get my hands on another, i wish you all a great day! remember smiling is contagious, and it takes more effort to frown then smile :)

8k run....Shamrock Shuffle

My day started this morning with an 8k run in the windy city of Chicago. This was actually my friend Amanda's idea and since i like to run regularly i thought why not...sign me up! here in Chi city you never know what the weather will be. Everyone knows the weatherman is wrong 90% of the time, so when they were calling for snow i wasn't holding em to it. Amanda however prepared full force and bought out the entire Under Armour store, lol (well close to it, she was dressed in it from head to toe). I did go and get myself a pair of gloves from there because i had an incident back in January where i got frost bite during my morning run...so needless to say it was time i invest in a solid pair of winter running gloves. As we drove into the city and sat in traffic on Michigan Ave, Amanda kept sayin "i can't believe we are doing this, it's so cold out!" "Kas, what if i don't make it?".."I'm so nervous, i haven't ran 5 miles since December!" The poor thing was freakin out( she is the cutest damn chick too) i reassured her she would be fine, and that i wouldn't leave her behind, EVER. So we got in line at the 10 min mile mark...There must have been thousands of people. This is however the biggest 8k in the world ya know :) As i look around at everyone i start to wonder why are they here? Do they really just love to run? Are they running in remembrance of a lost loved one? Was this something on their "bucket list"? Do they love St. Patty's Day that much and run so they can get that free beer at the finish line (no joke ya'll..there was beer at the finish line, am i the only one that thinks this is bizarre??, lol) There were people of all ages, amazing really. At one point Amanda looked over at a man who must have been 80 somethin and said to me "ok, if he can run this then i think i will be ok. lol" I have been in an organized walk before for breast cancer and mother's day but this was my first run. So here we go....all lined up and ready to go! Music..check, chewing gum..check, gloves and hat..check, shoes tied..check, lol. Thankfully it was not snowing nor raining, just cold. Eventually you warm up after the first mile so really it's no biggie as long as it's dry in the sky. As 'im running, weaving between people, checkin on AB to make sure i see her pretty face next to me, i notice one thing...there sure are a LOT of different asses out there (hahah! i mean peoples rear ends of course) So many shapes and sizes, from big to small, firm to a little jiggly, heart shaped to tear drop shaped, uplifted to saggy, wide to narrow( ok, ok, you get the point) I mean really though, i had nothing else to stare at for the next 45 minutes, so i just couldn't' help but truly examine what's out there in this world. Then i started to wonder what does my ass look like to the dude behind me right now? of course I'm hoping he thinks it's tight, bubbly and just plain old cute ;) lol. So everything was going great til my shoe lace came undone at the 4mile mark. However, i was NOT about to stop to tie it now with only a mile left. Heck no, i kept my happy feet shufflin all the way to the finish line. We ended up crossing at46min40sec. Not bad, but that just gives me a new goal for next time. So i cannot begin to tell you how happy my girl AB was that she finished in such good time, without stoppin or slowing down. I was excited as well, but to tell you the truth, my happiness came from seeing that smile of achievement on her face. I always feel as good as Amanda did when i run weekly. But today was different. Because i ran with so many different people, who all ran for their own personal cause. It felt like we were all connected. Like we were all there for the same reason. Achievement!! I swear there is nothing like that rewarding feeling that makes you so happy you can't stop smiling :) Amanda's happiness made me happier, and everyones support on the side lines made me feel important. So whatever the reason all of us thousands of people decided to run 5 miles today, it was an overall empowering experience, and i can't wait to do it again! ( so , the funniest thing is that once you complete a run you just wanna sign up for another one without thinking twice, which could be trouble seeing how the next few runs of the year are longer and longer distances, yikes! good thing i didn't jump to any forms just yet, hahah)
So i leave you with this...next year if you are not busy the weekend after St. Patty's Day come join me for a quick 5mile run through the fascinating city of Chicago. Wheather it will be on the side lines cheering me on, or next to me dressed in Under Armour attire. I promise you that the feeling you will get is so positive that it will stay with you forever. Don't ever doubt yourself until you try. Don't give up without a fight. The sence of accomplishment is something that can't be taken away from you. And it helps make you a stronger person! live well, and RUN!!!

The show must go on....

It's been a while since i have blogged any thoughts to you all...and that is solely because i have sooooooo much on my mind that i don't even know where to begin! My life is a bit of a roller coaster these days. I'm 28 years old and i am about to start round two of the fabulous life of Kasia. It ain't over til the fat lady sings ya'll, haha.
Did you ever think you had it all planned out? Well i did, until a curve ball came my way January 1st 2010. People change, so just when you think you know someone and trust someone.... be very careful. Two and a half years ago i never would have imagined i would be sitting here blogging, with a For Sale sign in my front yard, in an almost empty beautiful single family house. i was sure this would be where i would start a family. I could have given you names of children that i imagined would sleep in the two smaller rooms next to the master bedroom. I have a deck so big that it can hold two patio sets and two grills and still have room for a chase i can lay on to get a tan on those hot summer days. I have a walk in closet and a bathroom that connects right to my room (if you have ever lived in a small Chicago apartment, you know this is a big deal, lol). My oak staircase that i decorate in lights and garland at Christmas time is what i have always dreamed i would have one day in a home. Yep...my house made me happy very happy actually.... but relationship did not. My marriage fell apart after two and a half years. Things like this aren't planned or expected. How quickly things change is still unbelievable to me. i am learning a lot while i go through this divorce. Learning about myself and about the person i though i was going to have a life with here in this home. I am growing stronger everyday from all of this chaos. Because as the saying goes...WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER. I have no room for fear in my life right now. For fear is only a sign of weakness. I am not weak nor will i let anyone make me think that i am anymore. As i start to empty out of my life all negative people, i will only leave room for the positive and optimistic ones. I have realized that this house is not my home, and therefore i am ready to say goodbye. I have not gone this far in life just to have someone think that i will now fail. this just gives me the ammunition to succeed even more. I now have higher goals then i ever had. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy and that's the road I'm headed for. I don't care if i end up in a one bedroom basement apartment for a while when this house sells..because at least i know i am doing it on my own. I will survive this and end up on top no matter what!! I have the best support system anyone can ask for. I have my health and i have the strength from God to keep going. This is so far one of the hardest things i have ever had to go through.....But it's just a bump in my road of life ( well more like a mountain really, lol) My mother always taught me to be independent..and i have her to thank for my success thus far. She s my angel and she doesn't even realize it.
If you have ever thought that you had it all figured out and then things didn't go your way, or plans got destroyed... don't be discouraged. Just think of it as another opportunity. Another chance to show what you are made of. Some people don't get second chances in life and some don't bother trying to make a change with the life they have.Well not me, I'm not about to give up now. I will not settle and watch my life just pass me by (cuz we all know it goes by too fast) So if you are unhappy and feel like you are worth more, then make it happen. Only you have the power to make that change happen.
I will leave you with words of encouragement because that is what i live by. Positive attitudes get positive results. Put a smile on your face and you will feel better. Give someone a compliment and you will see that you will get one back. Believe that it will be ok..and it WILL be ok!
Well, it's late and i need my beauty rest. The gym is calling my name at 6am tomorrow. So goodnight for now and always remember "The show must go on.."

Sisters

So i don't think i have introduced to you all my sister Ania yet. Well let me tell you a few things...she is my 15 month older sister and one of my best friends.
If i told you that i had the best childhood because of her you probably wouldn't believe me. Most people think that sisters fight all the time or are competitive with one another, maybe even jealous of each other...well not here! Me and my sis have been there for each other since i could remember. We were both born in Poland (the highlands to be exact) but raised in America. So you can imagine two little foreign girls in a mostly Latin neighborhood (back of the yards) trying to think we know how to speak English as well as the rest, lol...yea, we made up a lot of words.
Ania was my protector since i have been born. When i was learning how to potty train she let me push her off the toilet just so i could get on. When i was in 3rd grade and some kid whacked me with a 2 by 4 on the top of my head, she showed em who was boss. When i was afraid of the trick or treaters who wanted to spray shaving cream on us, she held my hand so we could both RUN LIKE HELL!! When i was too timid to place an order at McDonald's she slready knew what i wanted and ordered for me. When i had my heart broken for the first time, she wanted to kick that sorry boys ass, lol. When i ( well more like WE) got drunk for the first time and had such bad hangovers that we actually thought it was our last day on earth...she made sure Mom and Dad didn't find out. When i drove without a lisence, got arrested and gave the cop her lisence, she didn't even think twice about what i did and came to bail me out. When i decided to quit college and pursue my passion as a hairstylist, she was my number 1 client and still is my number 1 supporter of it. When i would have a bad fight with my boyfriend she was there listening to sad songs and cry with me. When i got married she became the world's best wedding planner (while having kids and a hubby to worry about...i truly wouldn't have had the wedding i did without her). And now thru my divorce, when i need her the most...she lives hundreds of miles away and still manages to be there in a matter of a second. Whether it is thru a text or phone call, or a package, she is my rock. I truly hope she knows how much she has helped me in my life. My sister is amazing in so many ways. I wish this little blog can express to her even a smidge of how much love and gratitude i have for her. Because honestly i don't even think words can do me justice right now. My brother-in-law is truly the luckiest man on earth to get to have what i had beside me for so many years. Cherish her my brotha...if you are reading this. So as if she hasn't done enough for me..i forgot to mention that she has given me two great gifts in life, my nephew Paul and my niece Nadia. I love you!!!
So this one' s for my sista!! For all that have a sister out there, if she has been to you what Ania has been to me...Tell her how you feel, because you never know when it can be too late. My sister had a cancer scare when she was 18...had a couple of surgeries and is just fine, but that was probably one of the worst times in my life. To see her in pain, was unexplainable. So i think to myself, that the stress i am going through now doesn't even compare to what she went through at those times. She makes me believe in myself like no other and with her by my side i will get through everything just fine...THANK YOU my darling ( did i mention how beautiful she is??) my "twin", my all. I LOVE YOU more than you will ever know
your little sister, KAS

Love...

ahhh, Love> what a wonderful thing isn't it? It's the only unexplainable act left on earth. Because really...can you explain to me why we fall in love? Why we fall out of love? Why we have no control over love? Why love hurts? Why love feels amazing? I ponder these thoughts and can't come up with an explanation for any. Because LOVE just happens.......
I love, Love. I think it can be the most incredible thing that one person can feel for another. Do you remember that Young Love, when you liked a boy and you didn't know if he liked you back? lol, I just told my girl AB this today. It was so much easier to have your friend talk to the boy for you so you can save yourself the embarrassment in case he doesn't like you back. Love was so easy then. As we get older we experience a First Love....the one that might possibly break your heart in so many pieces that you think you can never mend it back together again. You think that you are ruined FOREVER( and become so dramatic about it) and nothing or no one can possibly make it ok. Yep we have all been there haven't we? hahhaha That first love can also be the one that you end up marrying and live happily ever after with (in a fairytale that is....lol) Moving right along to a True Love. Yes this is the one ya'll...the one that is your soul mate, your best friend, your perfect lover, your everything. This is the one that i think exists for us all. I believe there is a true love out there for everyone, but not all of us are lucky enough to stumble upon that person. For those who do...you are truly lucky people. Waking up and going to bed with the person you can call your soul mate is really a blessing. When your heart is fulfilled in such a way that you can't imagine anyone else in it, you know that you are going to be happy growing old with each other. I'm not saying that love isn't a battlefield...But when it's worth the fight on that field, then you know it's real.
I wonder to myself is it better to be in love and not be loved in return? Or to be loved and not love in return? Hard question to answer isn't it? you can sit and think about it for hours, and no answer will make sense...because love sometimes doesn't make sense.
I really do love Love...as crazy and unexplainable as it may be! I can sit here drinking my tea with a candle lit next to me and just blabber away about what i think and feel about love (but that would make you get bored and want to read someone elses blog, LOL) So i am going to end my thoughts here...
So let me ask you this... do you believe in True love?

Saturday Night

Boy oh boy was it a long day... The salon was busy ( god bless) which made the day fly by. After work i headed to do my friends Maggie's hair and finished my work day at 8:30pm. For some reason my 11 and a half hour work day seemed more like 3 hours. It's good i guess, but i honestly don't realize how long i am already standing on my feet not thinking that i will still be on them for at least another 8 hours!
So, i started to feel like the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland because i was rushing to go home and do a wardrobe change of course and head out to a wine tasting with Amanda and then to meet my lil Kas for a celebration drink! You see, Lil Kas recently got accepted to ISU or is it SIU?? lol something southern is all i know. She makes me sooooo proud. She will be the first cousin of all us many cousins that is going to live away at college. It's all so very exciting for her and really makes me so happy that sh eis following her dreams and goals in life :) I always wanted to experience the college life on a campus in a dorm. I mean how awesome would that have been? It would be just like TV... im sure i would join a sorority and go to parties (study very very hard of course) date the quarterback and even try to graduate in 4 years. Ahh, i can imagine it now.... but since i missed that boat when it sailed i will just have to relive it through my little cousin Kas :) I can't wait to go visit her there already!!!!
So im finally headed back out the door for the evening with a stack of saltines in my hand (yep my dinner, lol. I know, i know, it's bad that i didn't eat but sometimes there just isn't enough time in my day for a meal...oops!) I get to Amanda's friends house for this wine tasting only to have missed the whole presentation ,which was ok with me cuz i was clearly coming for the wine itself not the lesson in drinking it, hahaha. Now i haden't planned on staying there for as long as i did. Looking at the watch it was now after midnight and im still chattin and sippin... Here i go with the rabbit feeling again, lol. Im like "oh my god i gott a get to Naperville before it closes!" Time flies when your havin fun!! Off to Rizzo's i go....
I get to the door and there is a massive line of people waiting behind a velvet rope ( i thought to myself, hello no there is no way i am waitin in that!) so i walked right past everyone including the bouncer and let myself right in, lol. The bouncer had a confusing look on his face, but i walked so fast i didn't give him a chance to blink, haha. I head upstairs and find Kas and Martin and others and the celebration begins! Kas and i danced the night away til the "ugly lights" came on. You know what im talklin about. The lights that make you see exactly who you were drinkin and dancin with, lol. so needless to say we closed the place down.
Clearly the party wasn't going to stop there. Lil Kas had a bright idea of heading to the Joliet Casino..wwhhaaaattt!!!! since i have never been, i said why the hell not, LET'S GO! I don't gamble but it's fun to watch others loose their money< style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">4am and we gotta get go!"
so here i am on Sunday blogging and eating my breakfast. i still have no idea how we ended up in a casino now that i think about it, lol. oh what a night! well i gotta go for now i have a house showing at 2 and need to tidy up a bit, light some candles, and set the mood so these people will want to buy my house, lol. Wish me luck!!!!!!!

VINO...on a Friday night

Here i am sitting with a honey almond mask on my face sippin on red wine at 11pm after a fun-filled Friday. Work at the salon was awesome as usual. I can't tell you enough how great it is to be able to work somewhere that you can laugh all day and just be yourself...be REAL.
I don't understand fake people. People who don't know how to just be themselves are lost souls if you ask me. They are not comfortable in their skin and in their surroundings and therefore try to "fit in" where they think they should even if it makes them steer away from who they really are.
I don't ac like that. If someone doesn't like me for who and what i am...then i don't need to associate myself with that person. i think we should be proud of who we are and OWN it. Be true to yourself, and love who you are. If you can't be happy with yourself then you can't make anyone else happy (very important rule to live by). I can honestly say that i love who i am. I once said that to someone and he said in reply "are you serious?? Who the hell says that?" I thought to myself...ME!!!! i say that. i am comfortable in my own skin at the age of 28! Finally!!! Some people get to this point sooner than others. You need to love who you are before you let anyone else into your heart. I love MYSELF, and I'm not afraid to express it. I am not a selfish person, never have been, but at the end of the day i have no one to take care of but MYSELF. ME.
i sit here by myself and i am happy........ i am healthy, i have a great family, great friends, and a great career....what more can a girl ask for??? well, i have one thing in mind, lol..(i'll tell ya later, lol)

woo hoo!

As i stare at my closet with a cup of tea in my hand (seems to be my daily ritual) NOTHING is jumping out at me today. If the toughest thing right now is figuring out what to wear then i really do have it good. I mean, i know people who have children or even pets, that need to be taken care of before they even begin to think about what to wear for the day. I give moms A LOT of credit. It's hard work man! It's stressful yet joyous...Difficult yet rewarding. It's one of the toughest jobs out there! God bless any mother that still has to go to work, because being a mom is already a full time job. You women are really something special.
ok, now back to my wardrobe....yea, still nothing jumping,but i think im gonna wear the brightest top i have. I wear bright colors 80% of the time. It makes me feel good. And i believe you should only wear what makes you feel your absolute BEST! I love wearing clothes that make me feel sexy and confident. I don't like to hide behind my clothes. I got rid of anything in my closet that didn't make me feel great when i wore it. Here's a funny story....i wore this dress to work once and i don't know what happen but it was all wrong! It didn't fit right and for some reason as the day went on i slowly felt myself turning into a hotel cleaning lady (weird!!!) let's just say i couldn't wait to go home and take that dress off and donate it to someone that it would actually look good on. i was off all day because of my outfit, let me tell ya. And my girlfriend Jen, of course wouldn't let me live it down, we are sometimes way too honest with each other, lol. Needless to say i never bought a dress like that again, ha! so my wardrobe has lessened BUT i love everything i have (well, almost everything) So , today when you get dressed....think sexy, think confident, know that you are beautiful and should show it! My yellow top today might shock some of my clients (because it is still winter out there), but you know what,it might also put a smile on their face :)

Snow

So, after a long Wednesday that started out with a 30 min run on the treadmill holding a 25lb plate (which really woke my ass up at 6 am by the way, lol) ended tonight with me dragging 180lbs across the gym 3 times. Somewehere in there i managed to work on some clients that i love so dearly. Doing hair is not a job to me...i am blessed that i can go to work and absolutely love being there. I don't think my clients know the satisfaction i get from knowing how happy they are with their hair. I owe each and everyone of them a great big THANK YOU for their trust and loyalty. I love them all and i hope they truly, truly know it :)
Sitting here at the computer looking out the window i can't help but smile. Instead of complaining about the snow like normal people do in late February...i am going to embrace it. Why not? it' s here and its pretty and it ain't leavin us anytime soon. If i could i would love to be making snow angels out there (if i wasn't so sore from my workout, lol), or i would light a fire and drink a cup of tea (if i had a fire place i guess), or i would snuggle under the covers with a special someone ( man, i guess i need to get me one of those too, hahaha). We forget how much we can do with snow! We start to hate it and get angry that spring is not here...and really, is it that bad??? i mean it's not like there is a tornado, hurricane, sand storm, earthquake etc...(need i go on?) outside.It's just snow people!!!! and it doesn't hurt anyone. It's soft and it glitters, and even tastes good ( i know you have tried it at least once in you life as a kid) It's actually very calming if you think about it. Someone today told me that it's even romantic. Ahh, yes, it is romantic, even if you are alone like me, staring at it out the window, wishing you were somewhere else.......Let it snow , let it snow, let it snow...........

Just Dance!

So last night was one of my favorite nights of the week because i have dance class! I have danced pretty much my whole life. My sister and i used to make home videos dancing away instead of going out to play like other kids. Not to toot my own horn, but you can say we were, and still are pretty damn good at it. i feel sexy and confident when i move around to music. It takes me away to a relaxed paradise like place in my mind. I almost feel like i am floating. If you let your body just feel the music the movement will come naturally. I have always dreamed of having a dancing partner in life. i feel like two people can really connect in an amazing way on the dance floor. My sister and her husband have that, it's amazing to watch them and the chemistry that they have. I want to find someone to dance with for the rest of my life. Someone that will have that same passion for this form of art as i do. I wanna be able to dance with my partner as if no one is watching. My dancing partner is out there......i hope! lol

Monday not-so-fun Day...

My day starts off with 6am boot camp! You would think since i had, oh i don't know like 15 hours of sleep yesterday that i wouldn't have sleepy eyes and pillow creases on my face...but i was so tired this morning from actual too much sleep. Not something i am used to clearly. I quickly woke up when we had to do routines holding 35lb plates, pulling 145 lbs across the gym, and finishing with sprints and suicides!!!!! i was done after that hour of ass kickin, LOL!
So I'm selling my house, and thought maybe i should start packing slowly so that when it sells I'm ready to move on quickly. Things are looking pretty empty here. i feel like i live in a model home to tell ya the truth...it's empty yet just enough decor to be presented as a warm living environment. Cleaning, packing, and blogging is what my morning is consisting of.
The snow is really putting a damper on my Monday Funday with Jen. We were supposed to have an afternoon cocktail ( so i can get a break from cleaning and packing, hehe) but it might turn into an afternoon coffee instead. Starbies a.k.a. Starbucks, is where we meet to chat about the weekend and about life!
Ah , LIFE! yes, what a crazy thing it is. I mean did you ever stop and just look at your life and wonder,there's gotta be more to it then this? I sure have. In 2009 that question was what i lived by, it's what i asked myself daily. So in 2010 i decided to do something about it! And here we go, it's going to be a hell of a year!!!!!!

So here we are...my very first post. It's Sunday night and i am recovering from a night out in the windy city of Chicago. After a fabulous day of work on Saturday at Enve Salon and Spa i drove back home to Joliet...J-Town! lol. I first had plans to go cosmic bowling with my neighbors, so for someone who doesn't bowl, this was going to be a quick stop in my night out. Of course because i can have fun anywhere i go i somehow made bowling entertaining. Not sure if it was the cute sparkly pink ball that brought me no luck or those awesome two tones red and blue fancy bowling shoes that scored me no points for my team, yikes! oh well, at least i got an A for showing up, lol.
So...now i am headed into the city to meet my girlfriend out at a bar called the New Line Tavern. But, first i needed a quick wardrobe change. So i got my 5 inch peep toe patent leather booties on and slipped into a dress (all easily done in the car might i add, lol) and was on my way driving and texting. Please do not drive and text!!!! i need to go to a Texting AA meeting i swear, it's getting out of hand. Anyways, it was good to see my girl Megan outside of the gym, got to meet her main squeeze and some friends, and it was time to head out to my 3rd and final destination...LEVEL nigh club.
Hailing a cab in the winter in Chicago just sucks!! Two people actually asked me if i was ok while i waited on the corner. HMMMM, did i look like a damsel in distress that much?
So i get to Level and see a lot of faces from my high school days, GREAT (sarcastic) Immediately, i was spotted by a fella by the bar that looked like his eyes were actually going to jump out of his sockets when he saw me. Needless to say by the end of the nigh the was down on one knee professing his love to me! Really???? he loved me already??? hahaha... I must say it was a good night of dancing! i LOVE to dance so anytime i can i will. But i kept being torn between the cute Euro guy and the "proposal"guy...Neither of them won me at the end don't worry.
So i finally needed to call it a night...or call it a morning by then, lol. Late nights like that are only a good idea when you have NOTHING to do the next day, but blog about your life, oh and nap of course, lol