MILOSC

Guess who's back? Back again? uh, you might wanna reply "Slim Shady" right about now, LOL. It's me ya'll! Your favorite Chi-City gal :) As usual it's been some time since i last wrote. I believe it was still summertime. Yup, the sun was shinin, the birds were chirpin, i was still married and livin at my house....So, now its fall..the sun hides out a lot, the birds migrated, i am officially divorced and moved into an amazing apartment. woooo hoooo! its been a long road but i finally made it to the end....or should i say its just my beginning ;)
I can't even begin to tell you all the feeling that i have in me these days. Its actually amazing to feel comfortable in your own skin and in your surroundings. I knew i would feel good once the divorce was settled and once i was out of that house. But, honestly, i never thought it was gonna be this great. Believe it or not, i actually wanna come home again. People feel comfortable in my apartment and i love that. I LOVE EVERYTHING!! ok, ok, so you've heard me say that before...this LOVE thing i constantly speak of. Well, what can i say...Love is the answer to every problem. Love is my key to happiness. Love has made me become a better person. I gotta tell ya guys that something so beautiful and complicated at once has really overcome my soul, mind, an heart. I am addicted to this feeling that comes so naturally to me..i speak of LOVE of course. I should inform you that since i last wrote i got a new tattoo as well...and if you pay attention to my writing, then its easy to guess what i got branded on my body forever...yep, you got it.. and i hope it only took ya'll one guess...the answer is ( drum roll please, lol) MILOSC!!!! (which is the word LOVE in polish). Its beautiful, sexy, and sweet, an fits perfectly on my forearm. So, to tell you the truth I'm surprised i ain't not dead, cuz my mama wanted to KILL ME! hahaah. Eh, she got over it, obviously. But she did have one question for me. She says "i just don't understand why you lost your mind at almost 30 and not 18?" i cant blame her for thinkin this...but my answer to her was " at 18 i would have gotten a stupid butterfly that meant nothing to me, but now that I'm older i finally feel comfortable with my body, my mind,and my heart..so my tattoos mean more to me then anyone will understand" She still looked at me like i had a third eye, so at that point i just left it alone and didn't try to explain something she just might never understand anyway. That's my mama for ya :)
im sittin here blogging and listening to R Kelly ( his newest, and one of my fav cd's at the moment by the way) and i will tell you this. There are only 2months left of this year. A year that has changed me for the rest of my life. A year that i will never forget. what i have accomplished in one year, would have normally taken me 3. i am at total peace in my apartment, with the candles lit, and my music playin. i Love life and all that it has to offer. I thank God for my health and for the health of my loved ones. I thank all those that have been there when i needed them most. I thank my mama, and my sister (the first 2 loves of my life). I cant wait to see what this new year will bring me...Hopefully a new hubby, lol....what??? a girl can always dream, lol.
Goodnight my darlings...i will write soon, xoxoxo im off to Kashiland

the incredilbe HULK -ette

Heyyyyyy!!!! How is everyone? You don't have to answer "good" if you aren't really feeling good. Im sure when someone asks you "how are you?" the reply is always "good....and you?" I find myself being very honest these days. You all know this year has been about ME! and i love every minute of it, lol. Selfish? do you think it's selfish to love yourself above anyone? Do you think other will think you are being cocky, or stuck up? Well it's NOT wrong to be a little selfish. Most women (especially moms) don't know how to be selfish. They exhaust themselves by putting every ones needs before theirs leaving no room for themselves at the end of the day. This eventually leads to problems in a marriage, arguments with friends or children, problems at the workplace...and so on. More women need to realize if they are not truly happy and "good" with themselves then they will not be able to make others happy around them. They will live exhausted, sad, frustrated lives. Focus on yourself and only yourself in order to fill the life around you with joy ;)
so how am i today? well, i thought u'd never ask, lol...I am NOT fine, I'm crabby,i would probably fight someone and all they would have to do is look at me the wrong way, and kinda feel like i can snap the drop of a pin, cry and the snap of a finger, and laugh it all off 5 minutes later...sounds crazy, i know. I have actually thought about it over and over before i just typed that to see if it even makes sense! I mean seriously you guys, what is my problem?? OH i know, I'm going to go ahead and blame it all on my hormones!! ugh, we as women have to go through torture and become someone else right around that "time of the month". Geez,it really baffles me how i can become someone else and almost have no control of it at the moment..am i right? please tell me this happens to some of you as well!?!? I mean, i should really just be locked up for the next 3 days , so i don't make irrational decisions, run someone over with my car, eat everything in sight, and cry for no reason. It's not fair that we have to battle these feelings once a month for the next, oh, i dunno, 75 years!? ok so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But you know as well as i do that you feel like you will be having a period for the rest of your life. So does this mean that once a month i will turn into the Incredible HULK-ette? haha! (i have to make myself sound as cute as i can be while turning into a green monster). The thing is you guys..i am VERY aware of my actions, and so i have a new plan...I am going to change things around. My experiment is to fight back with my hormones. Yep, im going to beat my hormones at their own game. its mind over matter in the end of things. Because there is no way i will let myself turn into a Green Giant, all because i cant get a grip on myself. i am tough, smart, happy and love life. so there is no reason that my hormones should get the best of me and mess with my mind like that. i mean, it seriously is unlike me to want to harm someone and overreact, and get all emotional for no reason. so who's with me ladies? Don't let your mind or emotions control you. Sit back and take a breather, realize what you are saying and doing at all times. Don't act a fool and don't become the HULK-ette,because it can get you in trouble :) so let me try this again...How am i doing yo ask? well now that i know i am not crazy,and have complete control of my thoughts and actions, im gonna be ok i think..as long as these next 2 days pass quickly, ha!

good night ya'll....im off to bed before i start contemplating bad thoughts about people that pissed me off today...yikes, did i just say that!? haha, Go to bed Kas ;) tomorrow i will wake up refreshed and ready for another adventure in Kashiland

Somethins' gotta give....

I'm baaaacccckkkk!! hahaha.. What's good everybody?!?! How are ya'll doin these days? It's been a fantastic summer and it's a bummer that in a month we will be welcoming fall. Can you believe how the time passes us by? I mean i watch people in my chair get older (not to mention greyer, lol..thank God or i'd be out of a job) and my niece and nephew grow into amazing little beings; but to be honest i don't feel like i age. I am going to be 29 years old in 4 months and i don't feel a day over 25. If anything this year should have really aged me but it made me feel younger then ever. It has been the BEST and HARDEST year at the exact same time. I couldn't be happier with the outcome of that. I have accomplished more this year so far then i ever have, i have learned more about myself and LOVE who i am, I am proud to say that i can do anything if i put my mind to it.

So since i last blogged i guess i need to fill ya in on my busy little life. Well, i came back from Minnesota in June from a real live Princess Party limping because i strained my hip flexor muscle the week before running and my fastest speed yet! I out ran my girlfriend and workout partner in crime Amanda on out 1 mile treadmill run by more then min easily. Therefore resulting in a hip injury for the next two months that got so bad i actually cried getting out of bed in the mornings. Did that stop me from my daily routine you ask? HA! hell no! i was at work for my usual 10-12 hour days and at the gym doing everything but running (barely even walking at times, yikes!) My 2month slow recovery of stretches and painful massages finally got me to to my first attempt at running 2 days ago. I can't begin to tell you the mental torture i was going through because of my injury resulting in me not being able to run and clear my head. So as if that wasn't enough i manages to get a 2nd degree freezer burn on my left shin which got infected because i was too stubborn and busy to go see a doctor. Yep, you heard that correctly, i froze my leg with an ice pack. I mean really, who the hell manages to do somethin like that?!? Yours truly ;) so after being on 12 days of antibiotics and dealing with a scar the size of Texas (there goes my modeling career, LOL) i sprained my ankle from falling in my wedge shoes and am now dealing with that. I really don't understand how i got so prone to injuries all of a sudden, but they ARE all self inflicted so i can't blame anyone but me. Geez!! i exhaust myself sometimes!!

I have to tell you that i had the BEST 4th of July EVER! My sister, the kids and Ryan a.k.a "swam" spent 3 nights at my house and we had a blast. It was the first time my house felt like a home ;) I have told ya before and i will forever say it again. My sister is the best sister i could have been blessed with. I loved waking up to my niece and nephew in my bed. We laughed and sang til the sun came up that weekend. I love them so much it kills me!!! i can go on and on about my family, but i will save that for another blog :)

So besides my injuries and fab 4th.. i did take a random last minute trip to fabulous Las Vegas! woo hoo. My girlfriend Dilek and i stayed at The Hard Rock Hotel where people walk around thinking they are the next Tommy Lee or Pam Anderson, which i really can't say i didn't pretend to be someone important as well, lol. Hey it's Vegas so anything goes...including my phone!! yep, i don't even wanna talk about it..my phone got stolen by a "heshe" at the Belaggio. It was the worst feeling in the world to have lost all my contacts and be without a phone for a week. I felt like tellin him/her.."please just give me my sim card and take the damn phone! " UGH! still makes me mad just thinkin about it. Coming back from Vegas i was more exhausted then ever, dealing with both injuries the entire time and still managing to show my pole dancing tricks off really takes a toll on a gal.

I should also tell ya i managed to sell my house since i last wrote. Yep, i will finally be moving into an apartment in the fall. Which reminds me..i better look for a place to live! ahhhhh!! I couldn't be more excited to get a small cozy little place just for me. Am i sad to be leaving my neighborhood, but excited to start yet another journey!

oh Lord, look at the time..i need to get ready to stare into my closet and se that i have nothing to wear to work, lol. Im really not exaggerating like i usually do..i need a new wardrobe, probably as much as i need a hole in my head, HA! bye bye for now!!!! muah! hugs and kisses always!!

Meatballs

Well well, good evening ya'll.. i know ,i know it's been a while since i have written. What can i say, i have been a busy little bee! One wouldn't think that a single girl could be so busy right? well, let me tell ya that my life now is more hectic then ever! If you wanna know where to find me it's easy..the salon and the gym is where i spend my whole day. But you know i have to find time for play as well, lol. So my Saturday nights are booked weeks ahead. For some reason when you are single people just invite you to more events. It's like they feel bad for you, or think that because you are single you will have time for everything. So therefore, plans get made and before i know it i have my next three weekends booked with people to see and things to do!!
I recently took a trip up to good ol' Minnesota to see the fam of course. the trip was as amazing as ever. There was a big group of us this time. My girlfriend Gabby, my 3 cousins, and my parents all went to celebrate my baby girls 4th bday! My niece Nadia and nephew Paul are some of the most amazing kiddies i have ever met..(and im not just saying that because they are mine, lol) I thought i would get a chance to catch up on some sleep i don't get back home, but really, who the hell am i kidding? haha, I mean how can there be sleep when i have the best family and friends a girl can ask for. From going to uptown Minnie, to sittin around the campfire with my brother-in-law playin his guitar, to me and my beautiful amazing sister catching up on some MUCH NEEDED girl talk....who has time for sleep?!?!
So besides my travels..let me fill you in on my social life back home. Being single, it's time to start getting out there and meeting men..ugh (totally dreading this whole thing) I go out with my girlfriends not to meet men but to just have fun. At the same time though i do keep my options open..seeing how the ones you usually want are unavailable i have to keep an eye out, lol. So whats out there you ask? ha! well..i have one word "meatballs". You all know what a meatball is right? If not then let me fill you in a bit. The description would be a dude that is built ( sometimes they can look like the Michelin man, where they cant even put there arms down because the lat muscle is too big and puffy) I don't think it's attractive at all, but believe it or not this is who gets attracted to me. Is it because i look like i work out?Eh, perhaps that could be the reason, but let me tell ya, they are douchbags!! I mean if they think that their bicep muscle which is bigger then my head impresses me more then their conversation, boy do they need to get their head out of their asses, lol! It's like the more steroids they pump the more brain cells they loose. UGH! HELP!

gotta love my girl talk

so today was a fantastic day!! it all started with my first cup of coffee over at my neighbor Joanne's. I saw Jo gardening at 7am, an decided she could use a break, lol. You gotta love my neighborhood because i swear i don't know where else i can chill in my pj's with my hair in a rats nest and one of my already squinty eyes half way open... other then this hood, lol. Jo and i must have sat there for almost 2 hours just chatting away about "relationships". A topic a woman can talk about for hours at a time. A topic that we might never really have complete answers to. The only thing we know for sure about relationships is that they are HARD work! As i sat there on Jo's patio sippin my coffee chatting away with the sun beating on my skin so early in the morning already,i knew it was going to be a good day. After my awesome chat i had to get back home and wait for my cable guy to come....yes, again (damn tv). i got to clean, shower, and do laundry all before "Phil" the cable guy finally showed up! geez they really take advantage of that lat minute. when they say they will come between the hours of 9 and noon..they don't lie, cuz 11:50 is between 9 and noon i guess. Well, Phil fixed what needed fixin and was out before 1, just in time because i needed to get on the road!! I didn't mention that today i was headed to Antioch, IL to see my cousin Liz!! The sun was going to be out and it was a perfect opportunity to go to the lake house. Liz and i talk daily, but we haven't had a chance to really sit down with no interruptions and just talk. So there we were, in our bikini's out on the boat dock looking out into the beautiful water with the sun beating on us, talking away about what u ask??? yep RELATIONSHIPS! hahah. the never ending topic i swear! i loved being out there by the water. It's relaxing and i find peace and comfort with not a worry on my mind ( and belive me i have many worries these days, lol). i think everyone should have a place to go to escape reality for a bit. It might not have to be all the way on a dock on the middle of water, it can easily be in your own backyard. Grab your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or whomever you have to share some good laughs with, and go somewhere for some theraputic chitchat. i tell ya what, i talked enough today for the next two days, haha. goodnight ya'll!! xoxo

it will all be ok, it has to be

everything will be ok, it has to be. At least this is what i tell myself daily. Love stinks! ok, i take that back, lol. Love hurts is more like it. So my 19 year old cousin recently ended an engagement with her boyfriend of 4 years i believe. It's hard, very hard for her right now, but in the end she will be great and happy again. I have had my heart broken many times now, so i can relate to her. However, there is nothing anyone can do to make it better. Sharing my love experiences with her and being there for her is all i can do for that broken heart at the moment. Why is it that love is the best and sometimes the worst thing? its great to be in love isn't it? i mean NOTHING else matters when you are in love with someone. There could be a house on fire and you wouldn't see it because you are blinded by love. It is the greatest most unexplainable feeling left on earth. The high you get from it is worth millions. I can live in a cardboard box under a bridge as long as the man i love is there with me. Am i right or am i right? lol. Now, on the other hand, when love doesn't go your way it hurts BADDDDD. I remember my first heartbreak, i thought my life was over. My world felt empty and came crashing down. This is what my baby cousin is feelin right now. And you know what heals a broken heart?? TIME, my friends, time.... I have been in love a lot in my almost 29 years of life on this earth. Each time a new love came along i thought OMG! Not this again, do i even dare going down this path again?? But each time i did..why? because of that awesome feeling, that "cloud 9" feeling. Each time i fell love it was different though. Each time it just keeps getting better. Like wine that gets better with age..so does LOVE. Im older and wiser now and have a true understanding for Love. Tania (my cuz) will see that her best love is yet to come. She is still in love with her ex, and will be for quite some time. But, i wish i could put her in a time machine to show her that she will be in love again..with someone better!

i can touch base on this subject for hours.. but for now i have to get ready for another awesome day at the salon (the other love of my life; my job) I realize i just need to stay married to my job. I love it, and it loves me back..very reliable i would say, lol.

Tania, if you are reading this i just have one thing to say to you. You are beautiful, awesome, outgoing, fun, smart, hardworking, and very lovable. You don't even know what this life still holds for you. Your world is about to change for the better. If you think life has been good so far, you have no idea how much greater it can be. Remember my darling cousin, that at the end of the day all you have to take care of is YOURSELF. YOU, that's it. God only gave us one of you and we want you to be the best you can be. You know what you need to do for yourself and your journey has already begun. I'm so proud of you for being so strong. Hang in there, and don't give up on love. I never did.Even with all i have been through so far. Keep on smiling. Keep on laughing. Keep on LOVING, because just like me, it comes naturally to you. It's ok to love even when you get hurt. As long as you learn from it.

i love everything right now!

it's 6am and here i am blogging and eating my bowl of Greek yogurt with flax seed, blackberries, and a sprinkle of granola. yummmm, it's funny but i actually look forward to my little breakfast, lol. i can't even begin to tell you how much i LOVE living alone!! i mean i really never thought i would be this cool with it. I can walk around my house in my underwear or in nothing at all, haha.... It's such a free feeling that i have a smile on my face at all times, even though no one is here to see it. i always liked "alone" time growing up.I like quiet time to myself, and i think it's important to everyone to have such time. We all need at least 15 min a day of pure silence. it's meditation at it's best. That 15 min will seem like an eternity, i swear! go ahead, try it. it's actually very hard to do (meditate that is) Turn off all sounds around you, light a candle, close your eyes, and just BE... don't think, don't dream, don't fantasize. JUST BREATH. it's not easy to not think about something, our mind is constantly wondering. So true meditation is a actually very hard to accomplish, but when you do get there, you will see that you will be on peace with yourself, and nothing can stand in your way.
I am finally at peace with myself(but i haven't gotten the meditation thing 100% just yet, lol) Ii am the most comfortable in my skin now at the age of 28, then i have ever been before. I love who i am and what i have in life. I love my family and friends. I love my career. I just love everything right now!