Somethins' gotta give....

I'm baaaacccckkkk!! hahaha.. What's good everybody?!?! How are ya'll doin these days? It's been a fantastic summer and it's a bummer that in a month we will be welcoming fall. Can you believe how the time passes us by? I mean i watch people in my chair get older (not to mention greyer, lol..thank God or i'd be out of a job) and my niece and nephew grow into amazing little beings; but to be honest i don't feel like i age. I am going to be 29 years old in 4 months and i don't feel a day over 25. If anything this year should have really aged me but it made me feel younger then ever. It has been the BEST and HARDEST year at the exact same time. I couldn't be happier with the outcome of that. I have accomplished more this year so far then i ever have, i have learned more about myself and LOVE who i am, I am proud to say that i can do anything if i put my mind to it.

So since i last blogged i guess i need to fill ya in on my busy little life. Well, i came back from Minnesota in June from a real live Princess Party limping because i strained my hip flexor muscle the week before running and my fastest speed yet! I out ran my girlfriend and workout partner in crime Amanda on out 1 mile treadmill run by more then min easily. Therefore resulting in a hip injury for the next two months that got so bad i actually cried getting out of bed in the mornings. Did that stop me from my daily routine you ask? HA! hell no! i was at work for my usual 10-12 hour days and at the gym doing everything but running (barely even walking at times, yikes!) My 2month slow recovery of stretches and painful massages finally got me to to my first attempt at running 2 days ago. I can't begin to tell you the mental torture i was going through because of my injury resulting in me not being able to run and clear my head. So as if that wasn't enough i manages to get a 2nd degree freezer burn on my left shin which got infected because i was too stubborn and busy to go see a doctor. Yep, you heard that correctly, i froze my leg with an ice pack. I mean really, who the hell manages to do somethin like that?!? Yours truly ;) so after being on 12 days of antibiotics and dealing with a scar the size of Texas (there goes my modeling career, LOL) i sprained my ankle from falling in my wedge shoes and am now dealing with that. I really don't understand how i got so prone to injuries all of a sudden, but they ARE all self inflicted so i can't blame anyone but me. Geez!! i exhaust myself sometimes!!

I have to tell you that i had the BEST 4th of July EVER! My sister, the kids and Ryan a.k.a "swam" spent 3 nights at my house and we had a blast. It was the first time my house felt like a home ;) I have told ya before and i will forever say it again. My sister is the best sister i could have been blessed with. I loved waking up to my niece and nephew in my bed. We laughed and sang til the sun came up that weekend. I love them so much it kills me!!! i can go on and on about my family, but i will save that for another blog :)

So besides my injuries and fab 4th.. i did take a random last minute trip to fabulous Las Vegas! woo hoo. My girlfriend Dilek and i stayed at The Hard Rock Hotel where people walk around thinking they are the next Tommy Lee or Pam Anderson, which i really can't say i didn't pretend to be someone important as well, lol. Hey it's Vegas so anything goes...including my phone!! yep, i don't even wanna talk about it..my phone got stolen by a "heshe" at the Belaggio. It was the worst feeling in the world to have lost all my contacts and be without a phone for a week. I felt like tellin him/her.."please just give me my sim card and take the damn phone! " UGH! still makes me mad just thinkin about it. Coming back from Vegas i was more exhausted then ever, dealing with both injuries the entire time and still managing to show my pole dancing tricks off really takes a toll on a gal.

I should also tell ya i managed to sell my house since i last wrote. Yep, i will finally be moving into an apartment in the fall. Which reminds me..i better look for a place to live! ahhhhh!! I couldn't be more excited to get a small cozy little place just for me. Am i sad to be leaving my neighborhood, but excited to start yet another journey!

oh Lord, look at the time..i need to get ready to stare into my closet and se that i have nothing to wear to work, lol. Im really not exaggerating like i usually do..i need a new wardrobe, probably as much as i need a hole in my head, HA! bye bye for now!!!! muah! hugs and kisses always!!

Meatballs

Well well, good evening ya'll.. i know ,i know it's been a while since i have written. What can i say, i have been a busy little bee! One wouldn't think that a single girl could be so busy right? well, let me tell ya that my life now is more hectic then ever! If you wanna know where to find me it's easy..the salon and the gym is where i spend my whole day. But you know i have to find time for play as well, lol. So my Saturday nights are booked weeks ahead. For some reason when you are single people just invite you to more events. It's like they feel bad for you, or think that because you are single you will have time for everything. So therefore, plans get made and before i know it i have my next three weekends booked with people to see and things to do!!
I recently took a trip up to good ol' Minnesota to see the fam of course. the trip was as amazing as ever. There was a big group of us this time. My girlfriend Gabby, my 3 cousins, and my parents all went to celebrate my baby girls 4th bday! My niece Nadia and nephew Paul are some of the most amazing kiddies i have ever met..(and im not just saying that because they are mine, lol) I thought i would get a chance to catch up on some sleep i don't get back home, but really, who the hell am i kidding? haha, I mean how can there be sleep when i have the best family and friends a girl can ask for. From going to uptown Minnie, to sittin around the campfire with my brother-in-law playin his guitar, to me and my beautiful amazing sister catching up on some MUCH NEEDED girl talk....who has time for sleep?!?!
So besides my travels..let me fill you in on my social life back home. Being single, it's time to start getting out there and meeting men..ugh (totally dreading this whole thing) I go out with my girlfriends not to meet men but to just have fun. At the same time though i do keep my options open..seeing how the ones you usually want are unavailable i have to keep an eye out, lol. So whats out there you ask? ha! well..i have one word "meatballs". You all know what a meatball is right? If not then let me fill you in a bit. The description would be a dude that is built ( sometimes they can look like the Michelin man, where they cant even put there arms down because the lat muscle is too big and puffy) I don't think it's attractive at all, but believe it or not this is who gets attracted to me. Is it because i look like i work out?Eh, perhaps that could be the reason, but let me tell ya, they are douchbags!! I mean if they think that their bicep muscle which is bigger then my head impresses me more then their conversation, boy do they need to get their head out of their asses, lol! It's like the more steroids they pump the more brain cells they loose. UGH! HELP!

gotta love my girl talk

so today was a fantastic day!! it all started with my first cup of coffee over at my neighbor Joanne's. I saw Jo gardening at 7am, an decided she could use a break, lol. You gotta love my neighborhood because i swear i don't know where else i can chill in my pj's with my hair in a rats nest and one of my already squinty eyes half way open... other then this hood, lol. Jo and i must have sat there for almost 2 hours just chatting away about "relationships". A topic a woman can talk about for hours at a time. A topic that we might never really have complete answers to. The only thing we know for sure about relationships is that they are HARD work! As i sat there on Jo's patio sippin my coffee chatting away with the sun beating on my skin so early in the morning already,i knew it was going to be a good day. After my awesome chat i had to get back home and wait for my cable guy to come....yes, again (damn tv). i got to clean, shower, and do laundry all before "Phil" the cable guy finally showed up! geez they really take advantage of that lat minute. when they say they will come between the hours of 9 and noon..they don't lie, cuz 11:50 is between 9 and noon i guess. Well, Phil fixed what needed fixin and was out before 1, just in time because i needed to get on the road!! I didn't mention that today i was headed to Antioch, IL to see my cousin Liz!! The sun was going to be out and it was a perfect opportunity to go to the lake house. Liz and i talk daily, but we haven't had a chance to really sit down with no interruptions and just talk. So there we were, in our bikini's out on the boat dock looking out into the beautiful water with the sun beating on us, talking away about what u ask??? yep RELATIONSHIPS! hahah. the never ending topic i swear! i loved being out there by the water. It's relaxing and i find peace and comfort with not a worry on my mind ( and belive me i have many worries these days, lol). i think everyone should have a place to go to escape reality for a bit. It might not have to be all the way on a dock on the middle of water, it can easily be in your own backyard. Grab your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or whomever you have to share some good laughs with, and go somewhere for some theraputic chitchat. i tell ya what, i talked enough today for the next two days, haha. goodnight ya'll!! xoxo

it will all be ok, it has to be

everything will be ok, it has to be. At least this is what i tell myself daily. Love stinks! ok, i take that back, lol. Love hurts is more like it. So my 19 year old cousin recently ended an engagement with her boyfriend of 4 years i believe. It's hard, very hard for her right now, but in the end she will be great and happy again. I have had my heart broken many times now, so i can relate to her. However, there is nothing anyone can do to make it better. Sharing my love experiences with her and being there for her is all i can do for that broken heart at the moment. Why is it that love is the best and sometimes the worst thing? its great to be in love isn't it? i mean NOTHING else matters when you are in love with someone. There could be a house on fire and you wouldn't see it because you are blinded by love. It is the greatest most unexplainable feeling left on earth. The high you get from it is worth millions. I can live in a cardboard box under a bridge as long as the man i love is there with me. Am i right or am i right? lol. Now, on the other hand, when love doesn't go your way it hurts BADDDDD. I remember my first heartbreak, i thought my life was over. My world felt empty and came crashing down. This is what my baby cousin is feelin right now. And you know what heals a broken heart?? TIME, my friends, time.... I have been in love a lot in my almost 29 years of life on this earth. Each time a new love came along i thought OMG! Not this again, do i even dare going down this path again?? But each time i did..why? because of that awesome feeling, that "cloud 9" feeling. Each time i fell love it was different though. Each time it just keeps getting better. Like wine that gets better with age..so does LOVE. Im older and wiser now and have a true understanding for Love. Tania (my cuz) will see that her best love is yet to come. She is still in love with her ex, and will be for quite some time. But, i wish i could put her in a time machine to show her that she will be in love again..with someone better!

i can touch base on this subject for hours.. but for now i have to get ready for another awesome day at the salon (the other love of my life; my job) I realize i just need to stay married to my job. I love it, and it loves me back..very reliable i would say, lol.

Tania, if you are reading this i just have one thing to say to you. You are beautiful, awesome, outgoing, fun, smart, hardworking, and very lovable. You don't even know what this life still holds for you. Your world is about to change for the better. If you think life has been good so far, you have no idea how much greater it can be. Remember my darling cousin, that at the end of the day all you have to take care of is YOURSELF. YOU, that's it. God only gave us one of you and we want you to be the best you can be. You know what you need to do for yourself and your journey has already begun. I'm so proud of you for being so strong. Hang in there, and don't give up on love. I never did.Even with all i have been through so far. Keep on smiling. Keep on laughing. Keep on LOVING, because just like me, it comes naturally to you. It's ok to love even when you get hurt. As long as you learn from it.

i love everything right now!

it's 6am and here i am blogging and eating my bowl of Greek yogurt with flax seed, blackberries, and a sprinkle of granola. yummmm, it's funny but i actually look forward to my little breakfast, lol. i can't even begin to tell you how much i LOVE living alone!! i mean i really never thought i would be this cool with it. I can walk around my house in my underwear or in nothing at all, haha.... It's such a free feeling that i have a smile on my face at all times, even though no one is here to see it. i always liked "alone" time growing up.I like quiet time to myself, and i think it's important to everyone to have such time. We all need at least 15 min a day of pure silence. it's meditation at it's best. That 15 min will seem like an eternity, i swear! go ahead, try it. it's actually very hard to do (meditate that is) Turn off all sounds around you, light a candle, close your eyes, and just BE... don't think, don't dream, don't fantasize. JUST BREATH. it's not easy to not think about something, our mind is constantly wondering. So true meditation is a actually very hard to accomplish, but when you do get there, you will see that you will be on peace with yourself, and nothing can stand in your way.
I am finally at peace with myself(but i haven't gotten the meditation thing 100% just yet, lol) Ii am the most comfortable in my skin now at the age of 28, then i have ever been before. I love who i am and what i have in life. I love my family and friends. I love my career. I just love everything right now!

Finally Alone...

Good morning friends and family! the weekend is here once again, and what a beautiful Saturday morning it is. The birds are chirping outside my window right now and the sun is about to rise any minute. I'm sitting here in my bathrobe sipping on a hot cup of white tea (Asian plum flavor, yummmm). i have to say that life is good right now. i am healthy, i have a great career, beautiful family, wonderful friends, and a lovely home. A home that i live in all alone now.
i guess i should fill you all in on my latest news....my soon to be ex-husband moved out a week ago. He had gotten work out in Arizona, so he upped and decided to leave. Yep, a bit strange if you ask me. I mean we didn't even say goodbye to each other. He is a bit "pissed" at me these days so i didn't expect that we would give great big hugs and kisses, but at least a "see ya later"?!?! i mean really, 11 years of being together and that's it. i come home from work last Thursday to an empty house, and realized i might never see him again, and he didn't even say goodbye. i guess you can say we never got closure so therefore to be perfectly honest it feel like he died. i know, i know, it sounds bad to say, and believe me i DO NOT wish that upon him but i really does. Because he left some clothing behind and the plates he ate off of are still there it feels like he will be back, you know. Not that i want him to but I'm just saying that it feels weird..everything is so weird right now. i guess i just don't understand how you can be with someone for 11 years and then move to another state without even sayin goodbye. i get that he is mad, sad, maybe even scared but to not get closure can't be good for him. Maybe one day we will be able to say hey to each other and wish each other luck. i don't hate him and i am not mad...i actually feel bad for feeling SO HAPPY now. i am happy and comfortable in my own skin, and until he gets to that point i don't think he will ever say goodbye. Hopefully he will find happiness like me and love his life. Who knows maybe he is getting there after a week ( eh, i take that back, if i know him at all, then it's gonna be a while til that happens). i must say it took some big kahunas to move to another state like that. i know it couldn't have been easy to do, so i commend him for taking that risk. this just might be the best thing that can happen to him and he doesn't even know it yet. who knows, maybe instead of just saying goodbye he might actually thank me for divorcing him and making him change his life like this ( ok, ok, i guess that is a little bit if wishful thinking, but i CAN happen , lol).
Now that i got that off my chest, i will tell you this...it's great to come home now to a non-tense, quiet house. I'm going to get used to this very quickly, i think i already have! i have my music blasted right now, and i don't hear anyone in the background mocking my music selection, it's great!
yikes, look at the time, i have to get ready for work. i need to wash my hair today and stare into my closet for 20 min because i have NOTHING to wear so i better get going....no really,i have NOTHING to wear. i hope my clients today like bathrobes because that's what i honestly feel like wearing to the salon today, lol.
Have a wonderful Saturday and remember to say goodbye to people....you just never know if you will see them again.

Guilty!

Yes....i sure am guilty. Guilty for being happy!!! It's been a while since my last blog because i haven't had access to a computer at home. Being that my "roommate" decided to sell mine without even offering me the option to buy :( sooooo not happy. BUT, where there is a will there is a way! So here i am back at it. Now back to what i was saying...oh yes, my happiness, Haha! i can't help but smile all day long even though I'm going through a super tough time right now. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of stress i carry daily (but don't we all????) When i think about what i am dealing with right now and compare it to, hmmm.....lets say a cancer patient or an abused woman or an unloved abandoned child. I say to myself.."listen here chick, you ain't got it that bad, so stop your cryin!" lol. i mean seriously, if i let the stress in my life get the best of me while others are really suffering out there, then shame on me damn it! Let me share to you an inspirational story about a client of mine named Susan. She is a beautiful woman who lives with a disability, has beat cancer, raised a strong son and daughter, is happily married and loves everything! i wish you could all meet her because she is just a ray of sunshine (with fabulous hair might i add, lol). Every 7 weeks when i get to see Susan i remind her how much she inspires me to love life and give gratitude for what you have daily. Susan zooms around in a motorized wheelchair and yet still drives a car, not relying on anyone for help. Knowing that everyone would help her she still tries to accomplish it all on her own. Her health has been a battle in her life yet it has never stopped her from smiling. She is one of the most positive people i have ever come across. i love the energy she exudes and i inspire to give out that same energy. My positive thinking has gotten me through my stressful time right now. And on days that are more overwhelming then others i just think of Susan, and all that she has been through and it quickly makes my life seem like a piece of cake :)

So yes, I'm happy even though some people think i should be mopey and sad. Because guess what, i love myself too much to let my life pass me by without joy. The way i see it is that we all have problems and stress and i know that it can be hard to get up some days and put a smile on your face. But do it for the simple reason that you have been given yet another day on this earth, smile because you are alive and healthy, the rest will fall into place. I tell myself every morning out loud that today is gonna be a great day (and for the majority, it turns out to be that way for me) Happiness is the key!

ok, i have to get off this computer....til i get my hands on another, i wish you all a great day! remember smiling is contagious, and it takes more effort to frown then smile :)