it will all be ok, it has to be

everything will be ok, it has to be. At least this is what i tell myself daily. Love stinks! ok, i take that back, lol. Love hurts is more like it. So my 19 year old cousin recently ended an engagement with her boyfriend of 4 years i believe. It's hard, very hard for her right now, but in the end she will be great and happy again. I have had my heart broken many times now, so i can relate to her. However, there is nothing anyone can do to make it better. Sharing my love experiences with her and being there for her is all i can do for that broken heart at the moment. Why is it that love is the best and sometimes the worst thing? its great to be in love isn't it? i mean NOTHING else matters when you are in love with someone. There could be a house on fire and you wouldn't see it because you are blinded by love. It is the greatest most unexplainable feeling left on earth. The high you get from it is worth millions. I can live in a cardboard box under a bridge as long as the man i love is there with me. Am i right or am i right? lol. Now, on the other hand, when love doesn't go your way it hurts BADDDDD. I remember my first heartbreak, i thought my life was over. My world felt empty and came crashing down. This is what my baby cousin is feelin right now. And you know what heals a broken heart?? TIME, my friends, time.... I have been in love a lot in my almost 29 years of life on this earth. Each time a new love came along i thought OMG! Not this again, do i even dare going down this path again?? But each time i did..why? because of that awesome feeling, that "cloud 9" feeling. Each time i fell love it was different though. Each time it just keeps getting better. Like wine that gets better with age..so does LOVE. Im older and wiser now and have a true understanding for Love. Tania (my cuz) will see that her best love is yet to come. She is still in love with her ex, and will be for quite some time. But, i wish i could put her in a time machine to show her that she will be in love again..with someone better!

i can touch base on this subject for hours.. but for now i have to get ready for another awesome day at the salon (the other love of my life; my job) I realize i just need to stay married to my job. I love it, and it loves me back..very reliable i would say, lol.

Tania, if you are reading this i just have one thing to say to you. You are beautiful, awesome, outgoing, fun, smart, hardworking, and very lovable. You don't even know what this life still holds for you. Your world is about to change for the better. If you think life has been good so far, you have no idea how much greater it can be. Remember my darling cousin, that at the end of the day all you have to take care of is YOURSELF. YOU, that's it. God only gave us one of you and we want you to be the best you can be. You know what you need to do for yourself and your journey has already begun. I'm so proud of you for being so strong. Hang in there, and don't give up on love. I never did.Even with all i have been through so far. Keep on smiling. Keep on laughing. Keep on LOVING, because just like me, it comes naturally to you. It's ok to love even when you get hurt. As long as you learn from it.

i love everything right now!

it's 6am and here i am blogging and eating my bowl of Greek yogurt with flax seed, blackberries, and a sprinkle of granola. yummmm, it's funny but i actually look forward to my little breakfast, lol. i can't even begin to tell you how much i LOVE living alone!! i mean i really never thought i would be this cool with it. I can walk around my house in my underwear or in nothing at all, haha.... It's such a free feeling that i have a smile on my face at all times, even though no one is here to see it. i always liked "alone" time growing up.I like quiet time to myself, and i think it's important to everyone to have such time. We all need at least 15 min a day of pure silence. it's meditation at it's best. That 15 min will seem like an eternity, i swear! go ahead, try it. it's actually very hard to do (meditate that is) Turn off all sounds around you, light a candle, close your eyes, and just BE... don't think, don't dream, don't fantasize. JUST BREATH. it's not easy to not think about something, our mind is constantly wondering. So true meditation is a actually very hard to accomplish, but when you do get there, you will see that you will be on peace with yourself, and nothing can stand in your way.
I am finally at peace with myself(but i haven't gotten the meditation thing 100% just yet, lol) Ii am the most comfortable in my skin now at the age of 28, then i have ever been before. I love who i am and what i have in life. I love my family and friends. I love my career. I just love everything right now!

Finally Alone...

Good morning friends and family! the weekend is here once again, and what a beautiful Saturday morning it is. The birds are chirping outside my window right now and the sun is about to rise any minute. I'm sitting here in my bathrobe sipping on a hot cup of white tea (Asian plum flavor, yummmm). i have to say that life is good right now. i am healthy, i have a great career, beautiful family, wonderful friends, and a lovely home. A home that i live in all alone now.
i guess i should fill you all in on my latest news....my soon to be ex-husband moved out a week ago. He had gotten work out in Arizona, so he upped and decided to leave. Yep, a bit strange if you ask me. I mean we didn't even say goodbye to each other. He is a bit "pissed" at me these days so i didn't expect that we would give great big hugs and kisses, but at least a "see ya later"?!?! i mean really, 11 years of being together and that's it. i come home from work last Thursday to an empty house, and realized i might never see him again, and he didn't even say goodbye. i guess you can say we never got closure so therefore to be perfectly honest it feel like he died. i know, i know, it sounds bad to say, and believe me i DO NOT wish that upon him but i really does. Because he left some clothing behind and the plates he ate off of are still there it feels like he will be back, you know. Not that i want him to but I'm just saying that it feels weird..everything is so weird right now. i guess i just don't understand how you can be with someone for 11 years and then move to another state without even sayin goodbye. i get that he is mad, sad, maybe even scared but to not get closure can't be good for him. Maybe one day we will be able to say hey to each other and wish each other luck. i don't hate him and i am not mad...i actually feel bad for feeling SO HAPPY now. i am happy and comfortable in my own skin, and until he gets to that point i don't think he will ever say goodbye. Hopefully he will find happiness like me and love his life. Who knows maybe he is getting there after a week ( eh, i take that back, if i know him at all, then it's gonna be a while til that happens). i must say it took some big kahunas to move to another state like that. i know it couldn't have been easy to do, so i commend him for taking that risk. this just might be the best thing that can happen to him and he doesn't even know it yet. who knows, maybe instead of just saying goodbye he might actually thank me for divorcing him and making him change his life like this ( ok, ok, i guess that is a little bit if wishful thinking, but i CAN happen , lol).
Now that i got that off my chest, i will tell you this...it's great to come home now to a non-tense, quiet house. I'm going to get used to this very quickly, i think i already have! i have my music blasted right now, and i don't hear anyone in the background mocking my music selection, it's great!
yikes, look at the time, i have to get ready for work. i need to wash my hair today and stare into my closet for 20 min because i have NOTHING to wear so i better get going....no really,i have NOTHING to wear. i hope my clients today like bathrobes because that's what i honestly feel like wearing to the salon today, lol.
Have a wonderful Saturday and remember to say goodbye to people....you just never know if you will see them again.

Guilty!

Yes....i sure am guilty. Guilty for being happy!!! It's been a while since my last blog because i haven't had access to a computer at home. Being that my "roommate" decided to sell mine without even offering me the option to buy :( sooooo not happy. BUT, where there is a will there is a way! So here i am back at it. Now back to what i was saying...oh yes, my happiness, Haha! i can't help but smile all day long even though I'm going through a super tough time right now. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of stress i carry daily (but don't we all????) When i think about what i am dealing with right now and compare it to, hmmm.....lets say a cancer patient or an abused woman or an unloved abandoned child. I say to myself.."listen here chick, you ain't got it that bad, so stop your cryin!" lol. i mean seriously, if i let the stress in my life get the best of me while others are really suffering out there, then shame on me damn it! Let me share to you an inspirational story about a client of mine named Susan. She is a beautiful woman who lives with a disability, has beat cancer, raised a strong son and daughter, is happily married and loves everything! i wish you could all meet her because she is just a ray of sunshine (with fabulous hair might i add, lol). Every 7 weeks when i get to see Susan i remind her how much she inspires me to love life and give gratitude for what you have daily. Susan zooms around in a motorized wheelchair and yet still drives a car, not relying on anyone for help. Knowing that everyone would help her she still tries to accomplish it all on her own. Her health has been a battle in her life yet it has never stopped her from smiling. She is one of the most positive people i have ever come across. i love the energy she exudes and i inspire to give out that same energy. My positive thinking has gotten me through my stressful time right now. And on days that are more overwhelming then others i just think of Susan, and all that she has been through and it quickly makes my life seem like a piece of cake :)

So yes, I'm happy even though some people think i should be mopey and sad. Because guess what, i love myself too much to let my life pass me by without joy. The way i see it is that we all have problems and stress and i know that it can be hard to get up some days and put a smile on your face. But do it for the simple reason that you have been given yet another day on this earth, smile because you are alive and healthy, the rest will fall into place. I tell myself every morning out loud that today is gonna be a great day (and for the majority, it turns out to be that way for me) Happiness is the key!

ok, i have to get off this computer....til i get my hands on another, i wish you all a great day! remember smiling is contagious, and it takes more effort to frown then smile :)

8k run....Shamrock Shuffle

My day started this morning with an 8k run in the windy city of Chicago. This was actually my friend Amanda's idea and since i like to run regularly i thought why not...sign me up! here in Chi city you never know what the weather will be. Everyone knows the weatherman is wrong 90% of the time, so when they were calling for snow i wasn't holding em to it. Amanda however prepared full force and bought out the entire Under Armour store, lol (well close to it, she was dressed in it from head to toe). I did go and get myself a pair of gloves from there because i had an incident back in January where i got frost bite during my morning run...so needless to say it was time i invest in a solid pair of winter running gloves. As we drove into the city and sat in traffic on Michigan Ave, Amanda kept sayin "i can't believe we are doing this, it's so cold out!" "Kas, what if i don't make it?".."I'm so nervous, i haven't ran 5 miles since December!" The poor thing was freakin out( she is the cutest damn chick too) i reassured her she would be fine, and that i wouldn't leave her behind, EVER. So we got in line at the 10 min mile mark...There must have been thousands of people. This is however the biggest 8k in the world ya know :) As i look around at everyone i start to wonder why are they here? Do they really just love to run? Are they running in remembrance of a lost loved one? Was this something on their "bucket list"? Do they love St. Patty's Day that much and run so they can get that free beer at the finish line (no joke ya'll..there was beer at the finish line, am i the only one that thinks this is bizarre??, lol) There were people of all ages, amazing really. At one point Amanda looked over at a man who must have been 80 somethin and said to me "ok, if he can run this then i think i will be ok. lol" I have been in an organized walk before for breast cancer and mother's day but this was my first run. So here we go....all lined up and ready to go! Music..check, chewing gum..check, gloves and hat..check, shoes tied..check, lol. Thankfully it was not snowing nor raining, just cold. Eventually you warm up after the first mile so really it's no biggie as long as it's dry in the sky. As 'im running, weaving between people, checkin on AB to make sure i see her pretty face next to me, i notice one thing...there sure are a LOT of different asses out there (hahah! i mean peoples rear ends of course) So many shapes and sizes, from big to small, firm to a little jiggly, heart shaped to tear drop shaped, uplifted to saggy, wide to narrow( ok, ok, you get the point) I mean really though, i had nothing else to stare at for the next 45 minutes, so i just couldn't' help but truly examine what's out there in this world. Then i started to wonder what does my ass look like to the dude behind me right now? of course I'm hoping he thinks it's tight, bubbly and just plain old cute ;) lol. So everything was going great til my shoe lace came undone at the 4mile mark. However, i was NOT about to stop to tie it now with only a mile left. Heck no, i kept my happy feet shufflin all the way to the finish line. We ended up crossing at46min40sec. Not bad, but that just gives me a new goal for next time. So i cannot begin to tell you how happy my girl AB was that she finished in such good time, without stoppin or slowing down. I was excited as well, but to tell you the truth, my happiness came from seeing that smile of achievement on her face. I always feel as good as Amanda did when i run weekly. But today was different. Because i ran with so many different people, who all ran for their own personal cause. It felt like we were all connected. Like we were all there for the same reason. Achievement!! I swear there is nothing like that rewarding feeling that makes you so happy you can't stop smiling :) Amanda's happiness made me happier, and everyones support on the side lines made me feel important. So whatever the reason all of us thousands of people decided to run 5 miles today, it was an overall empowering experience, and i can't wait to do it again! ( so , the funniest thing is that once you complete a run you just wanna sign up for another one without thinking twice, which could be trouble seeing how the next few runs of the year are longer and longer distances, yikes! good thing i didn't jump to any forms just yet, hahah)
So i leave you with this...next year if you are not busy the weekend after St. Patty's Day come join me for a quick 5mile run through the fascinating city of Chicago. Wheather it will be on the side lines cheering me on, or next to me dressed in Under Armour attire. I promise you that the feeling you will get is so positive that it will stay with you forever. Don't ever doubt yourself until you try. Don't give up without a fight. The sence of accomplishment is something that can't be taken away from you. And it helps make you a stronger person! live well, and RUN!!!

The show must go on....

It's been a while since i have blogged any thoughts to you all...and that is solely because i have sooooooo much on my mind that i don't even know where to begin! My life is a bit of a roller coaster these days. I'm 28 years old and i am about to start round two of the fabulous life of Kasia. It ain't over til the fat lady sings ya'll, haha.
Did you ever think you had it all planned out? Well i did, until a curve ball came my way January 1st 2010. People change, so just when you think you know someone and trust someone.... be very careful. Two and a half years ago i never would have imagined i would be sitting here blogging, with a For Sale sign in my front yard, in an almost empty beautiful single family house. i was sure this would be where i would start a family. I could have given you names of children that i imagined would sleep in the two smaller rooms next to the master bedroom. I have a deck so big that it can hold two patio sets and two grills and still have room for a chase i can lay on to get a tan on those hot summer days. I have a walk in closet and a bathroom that connects right to my room (if you have ever lived in a small Chicago apartment, you know this is a big deal, lol). My oak staircase that i decorate in lights and garland at Christmas time is what i have always dreamed i would have one day in a home. Yep...my house made me happy very happy actually.... but relationship did not. My marriage fell apart after two and a half years. Things like this aren't planned or expected. How quickly things change is still unbelievable to me. i am learning a lot while i go through this divorce. Learning about myself and about the person i though i was going to have a life with here in this home. I am growing stronger everyday from all of this chaos. Because as the saying goes...WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER. I have no room for fear in my life right now. For fear is only a sign of weakness. I am not weak nor will i let anyone make me think that i am anymore. As i start to empty out of my life all negative people, i will only leave room for the positive and optimistic ones. I have realized that this house is not my home, and therefore i am ready to say goodbye. I have not gone this far in life just to have someone think that i will now fail. this just gives me the ammunition to succeed even more. I now have higher goals then i ever had. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy and that's the road I'm headed for. I don't care if i end up in a one bedroom basement apartment for a while when this house sells..because at least i know i am doing it on my own. I will survive this and end up on top no matter what!! I have the best support system anyone can ask for. I have my health and i have the strength from God to keep going. This is so far one of the hardest things i have ever had to go through.....But it's just a bump in my road of life ( well more like a mountain really, lol) My mother always taught me to be independent..and i have her to thank for my success thus far. She s my angel and she doesn't even realize it.
If you have ever thought that you had it all figured out and then things didn't go your way, or plans got destroyed... don't be discouraged. Just think of it as another opportunity. Another chance to show what you are made of. Some people don't get second chances in life and some don't bother trying to make a change with the life they have.Well not me, I'm not about to give up now. I will not settle and watch my life just pass me by (cuz we all know it goes by too fast) So if you are unhappy and feel like you are worth more, then make it happen. Only you have the power to make that change happen.
I will leave you with words of encouragement because that is what i live by. Positive attitudes get positive results. Put a smile on your face and you will feel better. Give someone a compliment and you will see that you will get one back. Believe that it will be ok..and it WILL be ok!
Well, it's late and i need my beauty rest. The gym is calling my name at 6am tomorrow. So goodnight for now and always remember "The show must go on.."

Sisters

So i don't think i have introduced to you all my sister Ania yet. Well let me tell you a few things...she is my 15 month older sister and one of my best friends.
If i told you that i had the best childhood because of her you probably wouldn't believe me. Most people think that sisters fight all the time or are competitive with one another, maybe even jealous of each other...well not here! Me and my sis have been there for each other since i could remember. We were both born in Poland (the highlands to be exact) but raised in America. So you can imagine two little foreign girls in a mostly Latin neighborhood (back of the yards) trying to think we know how to speak English as well as the rest, lol...yea, we made up a lot of words.
Ania was my protector since i have been born. When i was learning how to potty train she let me push her off the toilet just so i could get on. When i was in 3rd grade and some kid whacked me with a 2 by 4 on the top of my head, she showed em who was boss. When i was afraid of the trick or treaters who wanted to spray shaving cream on us, she held my hand so we could both RUN LIKE HELL!! When i was too timid to place an order at McDonald's she slready knew what i wanted and ordered for me. When i had my heart broken for the first time, she wanted to kick that sorry boys ass, lol. When i ( well more like WE) got drunk for the first time and had such bad hangovers that we actually thought it was our last day on earth...she made sure Mom and Dad didn't find out. When i drove without a lisence, got arrested and gave the cop her lisence, she didn't even think twice about what i did and came to bail me out. When i decided to quit college and pursue my passion as a hairstylist, she was my number 1 client and still is my number 1 supporter of it. When i would have a bad fight with my boyfriend she was there listening to sad songs and cry with me. When i got married she became the world's best wedding planner (while having kids and a hubby to worry about...i truly wouldn't have had the wedding i did without her). And now thru my divorce, when i need her the most...she lives hundreds of miles away and still manages to be there in a matter of a second. Whether it is thru a text or phone call, or a package, she is my rock. I truly hope she knows how much she has helped me in my life. My sister is amazing in so many ways. I wish this little blog can express to her even a smidge of how much love and gratitude i have for her. Because honestly i don't even think words can do me justice right now. My brother-in-law is truly the luckiest man on earth to get to have what i had beside me for so many years. Cherish her my brotha...if you are reading this. So as if she hasn't done enough for me..i forgot to mention that she has given me two great gifts in life, my nephew Paul and my niece Nadia. I love you!!!
So this one' s for my sista!! For all that have a sister out there, if she has been to you what Ania has been to me...Tell her how you feel, because you never know when it can be too late. My sister had a cancer scare when she was 18...had a couple of surgeries and is just fine, but that was probably one of the worst times in my life. To see her in pain, was unexplainable. So i think to myself, that the stress i am going through now doesn't even compare to what she went through at those times. She makes me believe in myself like no other and with her by my side i will get through everything just fine...THANK YOU my darling ( did i mention how beautiful she is??) my "twin", my all. I LOVE YOU more than you will ever know
your little sister, KAS